Her gaze clouded briefly before a spark of anger lit them. “Please don’t get this twisted like I need you, Deuce.”
“I’m not?—”
“No, listen. I need your friendship and your presence in my life, not because I’m alone and lonely, but because I choose it. I love your energy, your authoritative manner, and your soothing touch. Those are things that I want for me. You have given me so much of you, and that’s why I care about you. But your energy, presence, and touch, I crave. That’s why Ilikeyou.
“I went through a lot with Ethan, and I was hurting for a long time. I’m grieving his death, not the loss of my marriage. The next time around, I want to be happy. In the short time we’ve known each other, you have made me happy. The longer that I’m around you, the more that I want to be around you—and not just as friends.”
I scrubbed my jaw, because she had rendered me speechless. Of all the things that I had expected from her, that revelation wasn’t one of them.
“That’s all I have to offer, Sevyn. I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’re grieving, trying to put your life back together, and you’re lonely. Besides, there’s the whole age thing.I’m twelve years older than you. We want different things and have different expectations at our stages in life.”
“We have a lot of common ground, Deuce. Please don’t use that as an excuse.”
“Sevyn, I?—”
“Don’t say anything, Deuce. You might actually make it worse.”
She rolled her eyes, and the server came at that moment to present our food. We were caught up in that for several minutes before she resumed the original conversation.
“My mother-in-law assumed that I was coming on to Liam the day of the engagement party. She had no proof, so she couldn’t go back and tell Ethan. Liam allowed her to believe that, and she didn’t want to hear anything coming out of my mouth. I was beyond giving a shit at that point. I always knew that they didn’t like or accept me, and I didn’t care. I wasn’t marrying them; I was marrying Ethan. Her assumption that I would marry one brother and throw myself on another was why she called me out of my name.”
“I don’t give a shit. Nothing justifies that behavior, Sevyn.”
“You’re right, but you have no idea how much I’ve put up with from that woman. At that point, I realized she was about to walk out of my life. I wasn’t willing to stay there and argue for her to remain. So, I let it go. Who cares what she thought of me, anyway? But I do care what you think.”
How could I have her and not hurt her? That was all I wanted to know.
ONE MONTH LATER
Deuce hadthe day off from work, and we had just left the grocery store when I recalled another memory. We were driving by the place where my grandmother used to live, and I cried out.
“What’s wrong?” Deuce asked, slowing the car down and glancing at me.
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean, you don’t know? Are you in pain? Is something uncomfortable for you? Are you experiencing anxiety?”
I had been struggling with anxiety attacks when it came to riding in or driving a car. It was so bad that I wouldn’t drive,and if I wanted to go somewhere, I would either catch a shared ride or wait for Deuce to take me. My car, which he had gone back to get later the day that I moved out of my condo, sat in his driveway untouched.
Every now and then, I would go out and sit in it, but I didn’t go anywhere. I hadn’t even found the courage to start the ignition let alone drive it.
“No. I’m not.”
“What’s wrong then, Sevyn?”
I glanced at him as I gripped his wrist. “Uhm, I feel like there are these memories that are locked away that are just out of reach. Every time one tries to pop up, it’s held back by something. One of them just worked itself loose.”
“What was it?”
I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to stop the tears that threatened to come. I squeezed his wrist tighter as I held onto him, drawing energy from his presence, his peace, and the hard, yet softness of his wrist.
“The day that I was in the car accident was the same day that my grandmother passed. Ethan and I argued that day. We argued after leaving my grandmother.”
“About what?”
“I-I d-don’t know. . .” My chest squeezed tight as the memory of seeing Pandora, the night of my birthday, flashed in my mind. What did she have to do with our argument?
Deuce pulled through the traffic light. I could tell that he was concerned by his quiet, contemplative nature.
