“I was ordering the oyster sampler, which has three different types of oysters for us to try, two of each. The black truffle salmon, lobster mac and cheese, and the clam chowder looks good too. Yeah, I’m getting that.”
“That sounds delicious, and it sounds like you’re hungry.”
“You can sample mine when it comes, if you’d like to order something else.”
She smiled brightly at me, and I felt my heart go arrhythmic on me. I briefly smiled back but quickly lowered my gaze. She cleared her throat before she spoke.
“I guess I’ll try the ceviche and the Mediterranean salad. I love Mediterranean foods.”
“You can’t go wrong no matter what you order. They have the best food.”
We placed our order, and Sevyn briefly chatted with the server about her last experience here. I couldn’t help but question what I was doing here. The more that I was around Sevyn, the more she became attached to me. Though I knew sheneeded me, I was afraid about letting my walls down, because I had allowed someone in once before, and I failed to protect her. I couldn’t do that again. It would destroy me.
It was ironic that I had sworn to protect and to serve those of my community, yet I couldn’t protect the person who rode by my side both night and day, no matter how hard I tried.
I knew that Sevyn deserved better than what I had to offer. She deserved better than what she had experienced in life so far. From everything I heard and all I could see, she had been dealt a poor hand from the start.
But it wasn’t easy to walk away from her. It wasn’t just because of the responsibility that I owed to her for altering her life the way that I had, it was because of the growing feelings I had for her.
She hadn’t discussed what happened at the condo with her in-laws since we left. After we had gotten her settled at my house, she had spent most of the day alone and cooped up in the room. As much as I wanted to be there for her, she kept pushing me away. Despite my protective nature, I couldn’t push her too far and risk hurting her more than she already was.
What I wanted to do was find Liam and beat the hell out of his ass. But I knew that was the extreme of my nature. If I allowed it to have its way, my bad temper would paint me in a negative light in her eyes.
“I’m not a whore.”
I couldn’t help the frown that immediately marred my features at that comment. “What?”
“The day we were at the condo, my mother-in—Elaine called me a whore. I’m not a whore.”
I scoffed and narrowed my eyes. “You don’t have to justify anything that woman said, Sevyn. I know we haven’t known each other long, but I know that about you already. You’re a sweet, wonderful girl.”
She smiled softly and pressed her hand to the nape of her neck. Leaning forward, she stirred her straw in her glass of sweet tea and looked up at me. “I know you were sitting beside me in that room for months, but you didn’t get to talk to me and observe my movements and interactions with others. You couldn’t know that.”
I reached out and gripped her chin without thinking. That was another problem of mine. I was spontaneous, all physical touch and impulsive. I tended to act first and think later, which wasn’t good for a cop, though I had trained myself to do the opposite whenever I was on duty. Yet, in my personal life, I still acted on my natural instincts. “Yes, I could.”
“How?”
“I don’t have to be around a person long to know what they’re naturally inclined to do. That’s what makes me a good cop. I’m very good at reading people, observing them, and picking up their energy.” I released her chin and sat back in my seat.
“Discernment.”
“What?”
“That’s what we call spiritual discernment at my church.”
I bobbed my head, and she pursed her full, plump lips around the straw and sucked long and hard. I turned my gaze away from her to stop the desire that flowed within me, along with the torturous thoughts that I had about her lips.
Whereas I may have prided myself on spiritual discipline, I was still a man, and I was a man who could be provoked, given the right circumstances.
“Yeah, well, either way, I can tell that you’re not a whore. I don’t know why she would have said something so cruel and hateful, and I honestly don’t care.”
“You may not care, but I do. I care what you think,” she stated, reaching for my hands. I allowed her to grab them, loving how soft her hands were.
“Why do you care what I think?”
“You mean a lot to me, Deuce. In a time when no one was there for me, and my best friend could seldom be there, you were there. You have seen me at my worst, you have held my hand through my biggest therapy challenges, wiped my tears, and whispered words of affirmation to me. You gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere to call home. So, yes, I do care what you think about me. I care about you, Deuce. A lot.”
I pulled my hands free, sat back, and exhaled softly. “I don’t want you to confuse your feelings for me for your gratitude of not being alone.”
