“Jake-”
“And I know you’re scared, but I’m scared too, and we can be scared together, you know?” He holds my shoulders, and there’s this hopeful glint in his eyes that crushes me even more.
“I can’tbewith you.” I emphasize, and he stops, confused. “I want to, but there’s this voice inside my head that tells me not to. That I’ll hurt us for no good reason.”
“Madelaine, I love you.”
My eyes widen, and I’m truly speechless and alarmed.
“Jake, this is no joking matter.” I cross my arms and narrow my eyes.
“I’m not joking. I love you.”
My fight or flight instinct kicks in.
“No, you don’t!” I panic, feeling my eyes go all frantic on him.
“I’m pretty sure I do.” He starts to laugh, and I cover his mouth.
“Take that back! You don’t mean it.” I remove my hand as soon as we both look at it, and he smirks. “That’s it. Ofcourse… You’re only saying this to piss me off, right? Jake, I already told you, don’t joke-”
“No, I do love you. I think I’ve been in love with you ever since the moment I made you smile for the first time. You know the one I’m talking about.” He comes closer, and I clumsily take a step back.
“No, I don’t, and you’re not being funny, Jake.Quit it.”
“Oh, you do.” He genuinely smiles, and I feel my cheeks heat up. “And I think you love me too, even though you’re in some type of denial. But I can’t be the one to tell you how you feel. You have to figure that one out on your own, and when you do…” He holds my eyes, like he never held them before, and stares at me with the most earnest expression I’ve ever seen coming from him. “I’ll be here. Just like I always was, and always will.”
I’m left breathless.What is this?!This isn’t real. I’m just dreaming this, that’s it.
How am I supposed to turn him down after this? God, I want to throw my arms around him and kiss him and cry at the sametime, because it’s like this hurricane is living inside me, and this confession only made it worse.
It’s like he’s giving me all this love, and I don’t know what to do with it. Like I’m picking it up with my index and thumb and studying it, trying to figure it out. If I want to throw it away or keep it.
“Jake, my head-” My eyes start watering, and he hugs me.
“Your head has been playing tricks with you for a long time. I hope you know you’re more than your story.” He kisses the top of my head, remains for a few seconds, and then takes a few steps back. “I guess I’ll be seeing you, Brown.”
“See you, West.”
39
I Knew Something Was Off
I’m sitting at the local coffee shop, outside, with Allison while she tries to get my mind off of deciding whether I’m throwing myself headfirst into a relationship with Jake or if I’m going to be miserable for the rest of my life.Fun.
“Do you think I give Riden false hopes?”
“What? You?Never.” I say still staring into the distance, but very much paying attention.
“He’s cute and all, but I’m used to edgy.”
“And assholes.” I take my eyes off the drywall and look at her. “Riden is one of the best guys you could have by your side.”
She nods, pensive and resting her head on her hand.
“Aren’t you swearing off guys for a while, though?” I drink my juice from the straw, looking suspiciously at her.
“Yeah, this is all hypothetical, Maddie,Jesus.” She rolls her eyes, and I just sigh. And that’s when I catch a man in the cornerof my eyes, walking with a massive bouquet of flowers into a back street.That man is my dad.
