38
Denial Is A River In Egypt (I’m NOT in love)
The rest of the afternoon, I eat, watch TV, and read, because since I got into this mess with Jake, I haven’t had the time to do it. Fast forward to when everyone gets home.
I’m lying on the couch eating popcorn, thinking about life, you know, when my sister walks in giggling with my cousins.
“What is it?” I lift my head, looking at them, and I have been in this position for so long that I have marks of the couch’s arm on my face.
“I’m just laughing because Blake enjoys stuttering in front of Allison a lot.” She looks at Blake, who’s currently a tomato. Brandon is also smiling.
“Shut it, both of you.” Blake manages to get out. Poor guy.
“Don’t listen to them. You don’t need to have a partner. You know what, you don’t even have to have feelings.” I state,shoving popcorn in my mouth, shaking my head slightly, like a crazy lady.
“What happened to you?” Brandon asks, in shock, noticing my pajama pants and messy bun, on the couch.
“What do you mean?” I smile a little too passively aggressive.
“What happened between you and Jake?” Blake asks back, looking at me, finally understanding.
“We decided to part ways equally.” I say blurting out every word and looking at everything except those three.
“He ditched you, didn’t he?” The twins ask at the same time, raising their eyebrows. My sister smacks both their heads in the back and explains to them.
“Didn’t you hear her? Theybothdecided.” She rolls her eyes and breathes out in frustration.
“Thanks, Lindy.” I say, half-smiling.
“What are we watching?” She sits by me on the couch and takes the remote.
She sends a pointed look to my cousins and makes them stay. We decide to watch To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. Everyone except us is bathing, so little by little, the living room started to get crowded. We’re currently in that part where Peter is trying to explain to Lara Jean that he and Gen didn’t do anything, and I just mutter, “Respect, Lara Jean.Respect.”
This movie is weirdly representative of my situation. Fake dating to make the ex jealous, the main girl has an absent mother who screwed her up for love forever, except in this story, she comes to terms with her issues, and I…Don’t.
“Okay, you are coming with me.” Allison gets up, takes my wrist strongly, and I get up, almost falling forward. She drags me all the way to our room and sits me down.
“Someone’s in a bad mood.” I utter jokingly.
“Youshould be in a bad mood.” She scolds.
I don’t think I should. I already released tension a little by pouring my heart out in an unknown hill, got comforted by the best friend of the person who made me pour my heart out, and then came back to a peaceful afternoon reading, eating, and getting comfortable. All things I love to do. All those things are making me forget that less than 24 hours ago, I was kissing him. Under the moonlight. And kind of embraced. And kind ofin love. You know what? I don’t think I am in love. It was just an intense situation. I liked him, there’s no denying that, but I may have overreacted with the word love there.
All of a sudden, I hear something hitting my window. Allison and I turn to it, and I get up to check it out. It’s Jake. Throwing pebbles at my window.
I open it.
“West, I don’t think Amanda will like the fact that you’re throwing pebbles at another girl’s window.” I say bitterly, and his lopsided grin appears.
“She doesn’t have to like it. We’re not together.”
My heart drops.Shit.
My face turns somber, and his happiness fades seeing my reaction. I close the window and make a gesture for Allison not to comment. I go downstairs alone and pass by everyone. I take a deep breath before opening the gate.
When I get out, Jake is standing there, looking between my window and the ground, pebbles still in hand. He hears me and turns to me.
“Whatever you’re about to say, hear me out first. Amanda and I? Done. Forever.”
