“I’m happy for you, man. You deserve this.” He takes aswig from a bottle of beer he’s nursed for the last twenty minutes.
“Thanks. Though I do need to remind you, it’s early days.” I peer at him and he’s nodding profusely.
“Of course it’s early. But you being willing to try, let alonewantingto, is new. And awesome. And I’m psyched she’s reciprocating.”
His gaze shifts back to the fire and I wonder if he’s thinking of his own unrequited love. I know better than to bring that up right now and kill the mood completely.
“It is new.” I’ve been in a perpetual state of wonder about it, frankly. “It’s been a long time since I even wanted a relationship, let alone felt actual desire for a specific person.”
He absorbs this. “I never asked. But was it Michelle?”
Hearing my ex’s name doesn’t make my heart sink like it used to. Now, there’s only a residue of regret. For how I asked her to stay, for how she left, and for the legitimate reasons she did. “I think so—that, and realizing my life was completely different and I needed to figure out what it’s like to be a dad before I worried about being a partner to someone, especially someone new.”
He nods. “Makes sense.”
The silence is loaded, so I know he’s got more, and sure enough, a few seconds later, he continues.
“I just want to say what she did, leaving you, was really shitty. And I know my perspective doesn’t matter, but I thought it was crap then. And I’m glad you’re not still broken up about it, because I think you’ve got a lot to give someone.” His gaze flicks up to meet mine, then skitters back to the flames of the fire like he’s embarrassed.
I lean back, tilting my head against the chair so I can see the stars. “Your opinion does matter. But for what it’s worth,I don’t blame Michelle. Not anymore, anyway. If I’d wanted more with her, I should’ve asked long before I did. I tried to pull her into the moment, and it wasn’t fair. Plus, she wasn’t ready for kids, and?—”
“Neither were you.”
“No.” I was about as unprepared as someone could be. And I faltered. Ifloundered.“But I’d been an older sibling to you beasts, and I’d at least interacted with Saoirse and Rowan. And I already loved the girls.” My throat cinches a bit, so I clear it and take a drink of my beer. “Nothing like now, of course, but I did. I don’t blame her. She was right to leave. And frankly, her being out of the picture helped lead me back here sooner.”
His brow stays furrowed so I know it’s a matter of time before he lets his thoughts go. Finn is a terrible liar, and he’s also got very little in the way of circumspection.
“Do you miss it?”
He means military life. He means the work I loved, the unit, the world I lived in where I was capable of changing lives and completing missions with real-world and sometimes international stakes.
“Sometimes. Not as much anymore.” The words coalesce into reality as I say them. Or maybe I simply recognize how true they are where I’ve only wished they would be otherwise. “I’ll always miss it in some way, but the sting of leaving is gone. The girls are thriving here. They’re happy. They have a full life I never could’ve given them there when all of you are here.”
“And you?”
A chuckle slides out. “Damn, you’re pushy, aren’t you?”
He flashes a grin. “Someone has to worry about you.”
I give him a look, but his words hit deep. He may seem like a happy-go-lucky youngest child, thrilled with all theattention and bursting with sunshine personality, but he’s got layers. Depth. Pieces to him I bet no one knows, and a well of empathy that is seemingly endless.
My voice is a bit rough when I reply. “For the first year or so, I was here for the girls. But over the last year, it has shifted. Underqualified though I may be, I love my job. And try as I might, I’ve got JV in my blood.”
“And you’ve got a gorgeous neighbor who makes you feel a little funny in your pants, and yeah, probably a few other places.”
My eyes close as though I can block out his statement, and I’m absolutely cringing away from him. He’s giggling.
So forget what I said about layers and depth. Strike it.
“You know, like you get kind of excited, and—” His chair screeches a bit and I open my eyes just in time to see him shoot to his feet. “Hey, Sam. Good to see you!”
He’s beaming, eyes wide, and giving me the dopiest look I’ve ever seen, which is saying something.
“Hey, Finn.” Her dark gaze shifts to mine. “Hi, Grant.”
The softness in her voice when she says my name hits right between my ribs, burrowing deep.
“Sam.” I don’t say “it’s good to see you,” or “I’m so glad you came by” because those would be gross understatements.
