When she returns, she still doesn’t press me. Just sits quietly sipping her coffee and staring out the window at the snow-covered field.
A small bunny hops through the snow, tail bobbing with each leap. It leaves adorable little paw prints when it goes. Miles would get such a kick out of that. I can practically hear his laugh. My arms feel heavy, and a fresh wave of tears roll down my cheeks. “I messed everything up.”
Thora shakes her head. “Oh dear. Do you mean with Miles?”
I gasp. “How did you know?”
“Anyone with eyes in their head can see the way you two look at each other.”
“Does everyone know?”
She shrugs. “I’m not sure. Does it really matter? I know Natalie told Miles he couldn’t date you. She tried to tell me the same about Callum. I let her know she could kindly mind her own business and I would mind mine.”
I smile. “I’m sure she loved that.”
Thora shrugs. “She was just worried about losing this location. This is a big movie for her.”
I nod. “I told Miles I didn’t want anything serious. We agreed upon having a casual fling.”
“A Highland fling. How cute.”
I shake my head. “I thought so. But it seemed like he wanted more. And I kept shrugging it off, keeping it light, and now I told him he should date Ava.”
Thora slams down her coffee cup on the table. “Ava?” She shakes her head. “That’ll never happen, dear. Ava is in love with a man living in Sweden. They exchange love letters. It’s very Jane Austen. Very romantic, but I think it’s driving her crazy at the same time. Where did you get this idea?”
I let it all pour out. The whole story from beginning to end. All about seeing Miles and Ava together, how Miles said nothing happened and I really do believe him but I told him he should go for it like I’d completely lost my mind.
Thora nods, leaning in toward me. “You should talk about all of this to Miles. Tell him how you feel.”
A chill passes through me. I put both hands around my mug as if I could warm my whole body from what little coffee is left. “He’s going back to America soon. And I will be here.”
Thora’s eyes are soft. “If you want, you two could probably figure out a solution to that, too.”
“Like your solution to give up your whole life to be with my father.” I cover my mouth and instantly regret my words. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just… It’s exactly what my mother did. The woman always has to change. To mold herself into something that will fit into the man’s life better. I love it here.” In the back of my mind, I know that’s not entirely true. I do love it here, but part of me yearns to set off on my own adventure. Then the real truth comes out. “I don’t want to give up who I am to be with someone.”
Thora scoots back in her chair. “I’m not giving up my life. I have never contorted myself to fit anyone’s expectations. I’m choosing to come here because I’ve fallen in love with Scotland just as much as your father, and I need a change in my life. I’ve been putting out a film, sometimes two or three a year, for decades. I want time and space to breathe. I want to learn to bake a loaf of bread or at least fry an egg.”
She pauses before continuing. “That being said, all relationships do involve some compromise on each person’s part.” Her brow furrows for a brief moment. “Compromise isn’t the word I’m lookingfor… Collaboration. That’s it. You have to change some things if you want to be a ‘we’ instead of a ‘me.’ It doesn’t mean losing yourself. It’s more about learning about each other and how you fit together.”
Her words make sense, but a voice in my head is still screaming at me that I would be the only one to change. Just like my mother did.
MILES
By the time I head out for call time, I’ve read eighty-seven pages of Skye’s manuscript, and I am sure of two things. One—Skye is a beautiful writer. Her words are concise and poetic when they need to be. Her writing is funny and warm, but at times biting and fiery, just like her. Reading about our first kiss, seeing it through her eyes, through her exquisite words, is an experience I will hold close to my heart for the rest of my days. And two—despite everything Skye said about keeping things light between us, if there is an ounce of truth in anything she’s written, then she loves me.
That last one, I’m more hopeful than completely certain of. What if there is more fiction and less truth in her writing? She could’ve just used our relationship as a starting point and added all the feelings in her writing for dramatic effect.
The crew is packing up the vans. Natalie is discussing something with Minnie when I approach.
“Miles,” Natalie says. “You can head back to your cabin.”
Shit. This is not good. “Am I fired?”
Natalie walks closer to me so she can lower her voice. “Right now,” she begins, “I’m not sure what to do. I told you we couldn’t riskthe location, no relationships with the hosts. How long have we known each other?”
“A long time.” I look down at our boots in the snow. What can I say? She asked me not to date Skye, and I did. But I didn’t sign anything. And I’ve shown up to set and done my job.
“Close to twelve years. And you blow me off, betray my trust for a hookup?”
