But what I actually find is a whole bunch of landscapes of Scotland. There is a picture taken from my secret spot, where we had our first kiss. I click on it. The caption reads:Please forward my mail here to this exact spot. It’s so magical, I don’t know if I can ever leave.
Back to his page, another photo catches my eye, and I suck in a breath as the picture zooms larger on my phone. It’s the loch near Somewhere Only We Know. The sky is a hazy purple with little pink wisps. He must’ve taken it that morning I slept in and he went for a run. I can practically hear the wind whipping through the long grass bent at a stiff angle. The caption reads:Is this the place that I’ve been dreaming of?There’s no falling about it. I am in love.
Tears spring to the corner of my eyes, and I know deep in my gut that he’s not talking about the landscape. It’s me. He’s talking about me. Miles is in love with me, or he was before I pushed him away.
Finn moans from the floor. He sits up and puts his head in his hands. “Too much sunlight.”
I laugh. “I think you mean too much whiskey.”
He lies back down, throwing the sleeping bag over his head.
I convinceFinn to let me drive. The roads are covered in snow, and the trip takes hours, even longer since I keep having to pull over for Finn for various reasons. To pee. To retch. To get some snacks. You name it, he needs to stop for it. I’m anxious to be back at home, to escape into the clickety clack of the keys on my laptop.
Finally, I pull up to the castle, and Finn gets out to take over the driver’s seat.
“Thank you for the ride.”
Finn nods. “Anytime. I mean it.”
The look in his eyes, so sincere and so intense, makes me look away. I head into the castle with Finn’s eyes still on me and give a little wave from the door.
Dad strides out from the kitchen. “Pet! You’re back. Why did Finn give you a ride? Where’s the car?”
I nearly forgot the Land Rover is still on the side of the road. “In a ditch.”
“What?”
Thora comes out into the entryway from the kitchen, too, coming to stand behind my dad. I also completely forgot why I had been so upset when I left. My dad is in love. I should be happy for him. Iamhappy for him. It’s just…everything is going to change. My dad has found a second love of his life, and I can’t even makeonework.
It’s all too much. My soul aches like I’ve been in a bicycle accident. Tears fall from my eyes.
“Oh, pet.” Dad comes and wraps me in a bear hug, smelling like bacon and woodsmoke. It’s such a comforting smell, I cry harder, my shoulders shaking. He pats my back like he used to when I was a child. “It’s okay. I can tow the car. Billy can fix it up for us. It’s not a big deal.”
I pull away and try to catch my breath, but like an obstinate chicken, it won’t be caught. “It’s not the car,” I say through gasps. “I was so childish when you told me about you and Thora. I’m sorry.”
My sobs take over.
“Pet, is that all? It’s forgiven. There’s no need to get so upset.”
I shake my head. That’s definitely not all.
Thora puts a soft hand on my back. “Let’s get you something warm to drink.”
I let her lead me to the kitchen table. She sets some coffee in front of me. After a few sips, the bitterness and warmth calm me. We all sit in silence for a bit, sipping coffee, my dad’s face pinched in worry, Thora’s calm as a loch on a windless day.
“Pet, what?—”
Thora shakes her head. “She’ll talk when she’s ready.”
My dad nods but starts tapping his foot under the table. Thora puts a hand on his knee. My heart is just starting to return to anormal pace, but I’m not ready to talk yet. I may never be. Dad drums his fingers on the side of the mug.
“Callum, why don’t you go take care of the car?”
He nods and stands. “Yes. Is that alright with you? Will you be okay?”
I try to smile, but it’s like my face has forgotten how, so I just nod instead.
“We’ll be fine.” Thora stands and walks Dad out the door.
