And he’d think, all of our lives together, he was the onlyone.The only man I sucked.The only body I took.
I’d settled intoSatrine.Newworld, new outlook, new name.And Maxie needed our name.
I’d settled into knowing I didn’t come here by choice, but Iwas staying there because of it.
But this…
Thissucked.
I jumped when hands fell on me, and then Loren’s big bodyshifted around mine so he could sit behind me, and surrounding me, in the seat.
He’d pulled on his evening breeches, but I could tell hisgorgeous chest was bare.
He also pulled me back against that chest.
“Why are you so far away, staring with such pensiveness atthe park?”he asked quietly.
Because I just had the best date anyone in my worldcould even imagine having, and probably most anybody in this world too.
Because Maxine calls you Lorie.
Because you’re so respected, you walk into a massiverestaurant with your new fiancée, and the entire place stands to toast yourfuture.
Because you laugh at my hats, and Mom’s right, you lookat me like I keep the world spinning.
Because I can never tell you who I am.I can never tellyou stories about growing up.I can’t tell you about my friends.I can’t tellyou the real deal about why Mom is so awesome.I can never tell you all thatmade me before I came to you.
Because I can never even share how I came to you.Ican’t tell you about how scary it was.I can’t tell you how, if it hadn’t beenyou, this could have gone really fucking badly.So you saved me, my mom, mysister, and you made this a glorious adventure, not a terrifying tragedy.
Because you will never know precisely how deep I’m in itfor you, because when myself and the one being I love more than my own lifewere thrown into the unknown, in the end, you made it so that we were both, inour own ways, blissfully happy.
And because I’m not a virgin, and you might figure thatout, and all that will go to shit if you do.
“Dearest,” he prompted, wrapping his arms closer around me.
I twisted in them and caught his head in my hands.
He stilled at my movements.
“No matter what, know this, Loren.Know it down to yourfuckingbones,” I demanded, my voice ugly, rasping, even scary.
His arms got tighter.“Satrine.”
“What I came from, who I am, no matter what, I am who youthink I am.I am who you believe me to be.I am that woman.For you.”
Something passed his face.
Understanding.
“Sweeting, calm yourself—”
I pressed in at his head.“No.You don’t…you’ll never get itand…and…”—my voice was breaking—“…and I can’t tell you.I’ll never be able totell you.I’ll never be able to share it with you.I can’t.I justcan’t.”
He pulled me deep into him, and his voice was low and flintywhen he said, “You don’t need to,Satrine.I don’tneed that.I have what I need right here.”
He was mistaking me, as he would.
And I couldn’t correct him.
