The jovial expression was wiped off my face, and sheer horror replaced it when Rashawn came from the side of Nariyah’s Suburban and looped his arm around Reginald’s neck. Rashawn yanked Reginald into his chest, and his biceps flexed as they pressed into the side of his neck and chin. Reginald thrashed in his grasp, and his hands clawed at Rashawn’s arms for a brief moment before his eyes went loopy and his body grew limp.
“I knew you were up to something,” Rashawn grumbled, shoving Reginald’s limp body back into his car.
“Rashawn, what are you about to do to him?” I angrily whispered as he slammed the door to the Kia.
“You ready to ride off into the sunset in this fuckin’ hamster cage with a nigga that look like a fuckin’ gerbil. Smiling all big and shit with these cheap ass flowers,” Rashawn ranted, kicking the carnations across the garage. Pink petals shot in every direction before the damaged bouquet landed on the trunk of a car. “I know you, Elise. You been seeing this nigga for a minute if you’re comfortable enough for him to pick you up. Yet he still hasn’t picked up on the easiest shit that anybody would realizeabout you. You despise the color pink, and you love sunflowers. If you do receive roses, you’d want yellow or orange. Why you getting in the car with a nigga who don’t even know that about you? You want to be with a nigga that’s bringing you budget-friendly flowers and doesn’t have critical thinking skills? Does that sound like a nigga that’s worth your time?”
“See Rashawn, this right here is exactly the problem. How do you know you didn’t hurt him?” I argued, folding my arms across my chest. “What happens when he wakes up?”
“I don’t know, and I don’t give a fuck. You see that camera right there?” he pointed behind me.
I spun around and looked up where Rashawn was pointing. “All I see are wires,” I detailed.
“Exactly. Only we know what happened to that nigga. Most times, they wake up and can’t remember what happened the last thirty seconds before they passed out. He might not even remember you ever accepted those bullshit flowers with a forced grin on your face.”
“It wasn’t forced, Rashawn. I’m a thankful person.”
“Either way, if Hamtaro remembers, tell him the truth. The crazy nigga that you been in love with since you were eighteen did it. I don’t give a fuck, Elise. Just make sure you block him afterwards. I’m not going for this shit though. Look what happened the last time I tried to let you do you? That nigga put his hands on you, and you didn’t even say shit. Nah, I can’t have that,” he shook his head.
“Rashawn, you’re crazy.”
“About you, I wear that title like a badge of honor.” He lifted his right hand to his brow in salute, his head held high and back straight. “Yeah, you ain’t know I was a No Limit Soldier, circa 1998,” he bobbed his head.
I chortled, even though I didn’t want to. Rashawn could always find humor in any situation, and that was one ofthe many things I loved about him. During that summer when I was at my lowest, Rashawn always lifted my spirits, and that sentiment remained when we lost Victoria. Everyone championed me for holding Essex up, but I might’ve folded if I didn’t have Rashawn to lean on.
“Come on, so I can take you to Essex’s house. Ion need your pet hamster waking up trying to nibble on a nigga,” he cracked.
“What about Nash? Essex told me you were taking him to pack a bag.”
“The lil nigga wear uniforms. I can grab them, and if I miss anything, I can grab it from the store. Either way, you are not riding with the rodent, so let’s go.”
Rashawn gently grabbed my hand and placed his free palm on my lower back before ushering me towards the passenger door. Taking a deep breath, I held my head high and allowed him to guide my steps. I scanned our surroundings, hoping no one else witnessed what transpired. Rashawn opened the door and helped me into the truck, then rushed to the driver’s seat. His eyes were locked on mine for a moment, then he leaned into the backseat and retrieved a bouquet of sunflowers wrapped in yellow paper. I could’ve melted into the seat, but I kept my composure.
“Here I was planning to meet you down here and give you these flowers all day. And you trying to flex on me,” he vented, bringing the engine to life.
“I didn’t expect you to be down here. Plus, we haven’t been communicating like that since Essex and Nariyah got serious. Without Essex pulling us together, we don’t talk unless we are in the same place, involving Essex and his family.”
“I know, and I’m ready to fix that. I be missing you.”
Rashawn swerved out of the parking lot, and he extended his palm in my direction a few moments later. I slowly placed my hand inside his and told myself to control my breathing. Slowjams serenaded us as we maneuvered through traffic. After the second song on the playlist sounded off, I knew the music wasn’t on shuffle. We went fromAngelby Amanda Perez toHaloby Beyoncé. It had been five long years since we took things a step further than Rashawn giving me oral sex, and he was making it extremely hard to keep things where they were.
My Angelby Bobby Valentino played next, and I almost turned into a puddle as he squeezed my hand harder. Every song was on the playlist he created on my iPod during college. The number of songs grew over the years because Rashawn would add a new song every time he heard one that made him think about me. Even when I was dating Jermaine and really trying to give him a fair shot by cutting private communication with Rashawn, he still added a few songs. I knew this because I’d still listen to the playlist. Deep down inside, it was also a way for me to confirm whether or not Rashawn was still thinking about me.
“I’m ready, Elise,” he interrupted the silence.
“What?” I inquired, although I knew exactly what he was referring to.
After losing my virginity to Rashawn, I used his lifestyle as an excuse to end things before they could start again. Although Rashawn changed his entire lifestyle, I was still terrified to take that leap. What if we didn’t work out and things went sour? He was Essex’s best friend, and I’d still have to see his face all the time. Then I thought about my parents’ wrath and wanted to vomit. But more than anything, my own secrets gave me pause about jumping straight into a real relationship with Rashawn, even though I was finally ready.
“When we tried a second time eight years ago. You ended things because of my lifestyle. I already stepped to the side and let my young niggas have it. And I’m not making a rash decision because I saw you with that beady-eyed nigga either. I been getting my shit together so I can stop playing and come at youthe right way. You’re perfect, Elise. There’s only a matter of time before another nigga comes along and I lose you forever.”
If I was Lola Bunny, hearts would’ve ballooned from my eyes the way I basked in that moment.
“Since Essex’s business took off over the last few years, I’ve been taking the role as the Chief Operating Officer of V&T Customs seriously so Essex can focus on what he loves while I handle the behind the scenes work. You know I enrolled at USF, I’m going for my Bachelor’s in Business Administration and then eventually my MBA. I did it for myself. I’m getting older. I want better, I’m going to have better. But I also wanted to prove that I’m ready for us for real. Holding Nova, watching you hold her all lovingly and shit, we can’t keep playing Elise. In four years we gon’ be touching forty. I want to start a family.”
I swallowed hard as the lump in my throat stifled the many things I wanted to confess. We stopped at a red light, and Rashawn turned to provide me with his undivided attention. His intense gaze landed on me, breaking the dam holding back my tears.
“Why are you crying, beautiful?” Rashawn queried, but I couldn’t form the words to express the emotions I was feeling.
