"You feel incredible," I told her. "So tight. So fucking perfect."
She gasped something wordless and pulled me down to kiss her. The angle changed. I went deeper, and she broke the kiss to cry out, her back arching, her tits pressed against my chest.
I hooked one of her legs higher on my hip. Changed the angle again, tilting up, and found the spot that made her eyes roll back. She grabbed the headboard with one hand and my shoulder with the other and held on.
"There — God, right there — don't stop —"
I didn't stop. I fucked her steady, deep, my thumb finding her clit between us, circling it while I moved inside her, and she was unraveling, her whole body tightening around me, her moans getting louder. I was talking because I couldn't not, telling her how good she felt, how beautiful she was, how I'd wanted this since the moment she stepped out of that Prius, and she was shaking, close, so close.
"Let go," I told her. "I've got you. Let go."
She came with her whole body, clenching around my cock, her cry filling the room, her nails leaving lines down my back that I'd feel tomorrow. I held on, barely, my jaw locked, everymuscle fighting to keep going through her orgasm because watching Nell Chambers fall apart underneath me was not a thing I wanted to end.
She was still trembling when I slowed my hips. Still pulsing around me. Her eyes opened, hazy and sated, and she looked at me with a softness that punched through every wall I'd built.
"Your turn," she said.
She put her hands flat against me and pushed, and I rolled, and she was on top of me. The view from below, her straddling my hips, the flannel still hanging from her shoulders, her hair wild, her face flushed, would ruin me for every other woman I'd ever look at.
She sank down onto my cock and we both groaned. She rode me with her palms on my stomach, rolling her hips, finding her rhythm. I held her waist and watched her face and tried to commit every detail to memory because this moment was not guaranteed to happen again and I wanted all of it.
"You're staring," she said, breathless.
"I'm admiring."
"Same thing."
"Not even close."
She leaned down and kissed me, and the new angle drove me deeper, and she moaned into my mouth. I gripped her hips and thrust up into her and she sat back up with a gasp, and the shift, the depth, the friction on her clit, sent her spiraling again. I felt it building in her. Her thighs tightened. Her rhythm stuttered. Her breath hitched.
"Again?" I asked.
"I — oh God — I think —"
"That's my girl." I held her hips and fucked up into her, hard and steady, my thumb on her clit. She shattered for the third time with a sound I wanted to record and play back on bad days for the rest of my natural life. Her pussy clamped around meand I couldn't hold back anymore. I came buried inside her, my hips snapping up, her name torn out of me in a voice I didn't recognize. She collapsed onto my chest and we lay there, tangled and gasping and wrecked.
Neither of us moved for a long time.
Her head was on my chest. My hand was in her hair, fingers moving through it without thinking. The quilt was bunched underneath us and the room was dark except for moonlight through the window, and the river was steady outside.
"That," she said finally, her voice muffled into my skin, "was not in the manual."
I laughed. A real one, low and quiet, and I felt her smile where her cheek rested on me.
"Should we add a section?"
"It would require significant revision. Possibly a complete overhaul of the scheduling framework."
I kissed the top of her head. She made a small sound and pressed closer. My arm tightened around her, and I held her and breathed and did not think too hard about what was growing in me, because thinking would make it real, and real things could be lost.
She fell asleep against me. I could tell from how her breathing changed, long and even, her body going heavy and soft. I lay there with her weight warm and heavy on me and stared at the ceiling.
The cabin was quiet. The river ran outside. An owl called from somewhere up the ridge and another answered from the valley. I lay in the dark with a woman sleeping on me and thought about all the things I was not going to be able to give her.
The vasectomy. The bet with Drew. The lie I was telling every day I didn't come clean.
She wanted a baby. She had a schedule for it, footnoted and organized to the page, and she'd married a man she thoughtcould give her that, and I couldn't give it to her. For the first time, that felt wrong in my gut, and I couldn't put it aside.
