“Okay,fine,” I huffed, throwing my hands up in surrender.
A few moments later we were stepping inside of the rectory and I was surprised to find that Merlin had rearranged the space in the few days that I had been gone.
Namely, there was a massive four-poster bed sitting on a dais that hadn’t been there before.
My stomach did a little flip-flop as I looked from the bed to Merlin who was studiously avoiding my gaze.
“Sit,” he directed, pointing to the table and chairs that had also not been there before.
“You’ve changed things,” I said slowly as I sat in the chair the Bedivere had pulled out for me.
“I did,” Merlin agreed, threading his fingers together and pressing his thumbs into his palms almost as if he was nervous. “I felt that, perhaps, it was time to do so.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, pushing down the stupid giddy feeling in my chest. My instincts were usually dumb as hell, I had been ignoring my hussy of an inner-omega since the day that I had been rejected not once, but twice by these very men sitting in front of me. “Explain.”
Merlin’s expression still looked anxious as he glanced over at Bedivere who just nodded once. “We have wanted to speak with you long before this, but I fear you never gave us the chance, Gwen. You run swiftly—like a wild horse.”
“Comparing me to a horse is probably not the best way to start this conversation,” I pointed out dryly. “But I am sorry foravoiding you. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was supposed to say after making a fool out of myself twice in a day.”
“You did not look like a fool,” Bedivere finally cut in, speaking for the first time since he had chased me down in the hallway earlier.
“Okay, then tell me what I looked like then. Because my ego was shattered into a million little pieces that day and it’s still embarrassing as hell to think about it.”
“If you would cease arguing for a moment, we could tell you,” Merlin said, his brows pinched together as he shot me a plaintive look.
I opened my mouth before pausing and realizing that I was, in fact, about to argue with them again. My mouth closed with a silent snap and I leaned back in my seat.
Merlin sighed with relief. “Thank you. Now, I just want to be honest about how I was feeling that day. You never gave me a chance to respond to your suggestion and I would like to respond now.”
I waved a hand out in front of me, gesturing for him to go on as my heartrate kicked up in my chest. Could I handle being rejected a second time?
Probably not.
I wondered if the moat that surrounded the castle was deep enough to drown myself in.
“I was going to explain to you that, while I am uncertain of the gods’ intentions for me…” he trailed off, his gaze drifting down to the wood swirls in the table in front of us. “I also cannot deny that I feel drawn to you.”
“To me or my magic?” The question bubbled out of me before I could stop it. Never before had I been so insecure about myself and I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not.
Before all of this I never had to deal with being undesired or getting rejected because I never allowed myself to engageemotionally with anyone past my own mother. After she died I had almost no one, save for Trini who was doing her damndest to chip away at my walls.
I almost wished I could go back in time to that day and never touch that stupid sword. At least then I wouldn’t feel so off-balance all of the time knowing that, at any moment, these men could pull the rug out from under me with a look or an inhale of their scents.
“Is it incorrect to say both?” Merlin shot back, his brows lifting as we locked eyes.You and I both know that our magic suits each other.
His words echoed in my mind as his magic seemed to spread out in front of him to meet mine.
The two seemed to sizzle as they touched.
Unaware of what was happening, Bedivere spoke next. “I still do not feel…confidentin my ability to be your alpha, your maj—Guinevere.”
My gaze shot to his. “Why? Because of your hand?”
Bedivere nodded. “I am not whole and have not been whole since I lost it. Alphas are meant to be able to protect their omega, but I cannot wield my sword any longer.”
“In my time omegas protect their alphas too,” I pointed out after a moment of thought. “Never, ever since I got here, have I thought about which of you could wield your swords the best or who can protect me from invaders, or whatever.”
“Is that not an alpha’s purpose?” Bedivere asked, sounding perplexed as his dark brows drew together.
