The vine seemed to begrudgingly hand her back her fork and let her resume eating, but it hovered just over her shoulder like it was waiting for her to lose her temper again.
“I appreciate the offer, but I want to handle Mike the human way,” I told her, getting the conversation back on track.
“How? With a divorce?” Effie asked incredulously.
I nodded. “That and a restraining order are a start. Cash says he’s got a friend with contacts in the FBI and they can connect us with the police force in New Hampshire to start the process.”
Effie rolled her green eyes. “I bet he’s talking about Art. The guy has been doing Dallan’s bidding since the 1880s. I swear that man hasn’t left his house in thirty years, so he’s perfect to do all of the leg work.” Then Effie snorted to herself, as if she’d just made some kind of a joke.
“Why the laugh?” I asked, picking at the broccoli on my plate of alfredo pasta.
Effie’s lips tilted up into a sharp grin.
“Because Art’s a naga—a snake man,” she added upon seeing my confused expression. “So, he literally has no legs.”
A surprised laugh bubbled in my chest and I nearly forced myself to hold it in. Mike used to always hate the loud boisterous laugh that matched my mom’s. But Mike wasn’t here and he couldn’t control me anymore. I released the laugh and let it fill the little dining room we were sitting in.
Fuck Mike,I thought to myself.I’ll laugh as loud as I want to, when I want to.
Effie seemed pleased to hear it as her vines danced behind her head. She speared a shrimp and shoved it into her mouth, chewing proudly as she waited for me to finish.
“It’s nice to see you so lively,” Effie said, her expression sobering up quickly. “But if I can’t hex him, then whatisthe plan other than the restraining order and divorce?”
I opened my mouth to answer, but was cut off momentarily by the waiter meandering over to us to refill our drinks. He looked human, but the air around him shimmered, telling me he was some kind of monster wearing a glamour.
He turned to smile at me, his teeth suddenly looking sharper than they had a moment ago before he turned and wandered back through the doors to the kitchen.
“Are there some kind of glasses I can wear so I don’t have to see magic in the air?” I asked Effie as I distractedly rubbed at my eyes. “It kind of gives me a headache.”
Most monsters didn’t bother wearing a glamour within town limits and other than Effie I hadn’t seen anyone else perform any magic.
“I’m sure I could whip up something, but that in and of itself would be magic so I’m sure it would still bother you,” Effie said with a frown. “What youshoulddo is learn how to control it.”
“I don’t think I’d be very good at it, if I’m being honest.” I gave myself a little shake, blinking away the dots from my vision before returning to her previous question and changing the subject away from my eyes. “Anyway, the plan right now—or I guess more accurately—Cash’splan right now is to make sure I don’t go anywhere alone until they can figure out where Mike is and keep an eye on him. I finally convinced him to let me tag along on his trip to Vegas next week using that argument.”
It had taken me wheedling from the time I woke up this morning up until we walked through the doors of the shop for him to finally give in.
Realistically, I could probably have stayed up in Effie’s apartment while he was gone, but I was curious about the other wingless gargoyle, Ronan. Cash spoke about him with a mixture of fondness and sadness and I wanted to meet someone who had some of the same experiences that Cash did.
“I see things are going well on that front,” Effie said, her green eyes sparkling with mischief. “I would like the record to state that I called it first.”
My face flushed. “I don’t know what you mean by that. Nothing is happening between me and Cash.”
Effie snorted inelegantly. “Yeah, right, and my hair isn’t green. I might believe you if you two didn’t eye fuck whenever you’re in the same room together.”
“We donot,” I insisted, sure my face was beet red. “Besides, I’m not sure how it would even work,” I added in a mutter.
Cashwasnearly two feet taller than I was and I’m sure that size difference also translated downstairs. Even just thinking about it made my body tingle, but also cringe with the idea of how much it wouldhurt.
Effie looked me up and down thoughtfully. “You could probably make it work with some spelled oil. I’ve seen human women take much worse than gargoyle dick before, you really are a part of a race that, when it comes to doing the horizontal tango with monsters, are a bunch of little daredevils. That’s why there’s so many halflings running around in this day and age.”
Someone coughed, interrupting what was very quickly becoming a TedTalk on monster sex, and we both turned to find the red-faced waiter holding the check.
I covered my face in my hands and fought the desire to turn into a puddle of embarrassed goo and melt into the floor.
“Are you really embarrassed, dude?” Effie asked the waiter as she handed him her card. “Are my senses off or are you not an incubus?”
The waiter sputtered, his eyes wide. His glamour slipped for a moment, probably due to how flustered he was, and his human-colored skin turned a shade of vibrant purple as a pair of dark horns shimmered into existence. Then the glamour snapped back into place and he was a skinny human man again.
