“I am, but that doesn’t mean I like hearing about sex all the time,” the waiter sniffed as he ran Effie’s card through his little machine and handed it back to her.
Effie rolled her eyes. “That literally is what it means. Sex for your kind is like having a protein shake.”
“Well I’m only sixty, so I’m not fully grown yet,” the waiter said. “Now you two have a wonderful day.”
I waited for the waiter to disappear behind the swinging doors to the kitchen again before I leaned forward to whisper to Effie. “How old does an incubus have to be to be considered fully grown?”
“They come into existence fully grown, so I don’t know what bullshit he’s spouting. But I’m pretty sure he’s new in town since I’ve never seen him here before,” Effie said back in her normal voice, obviously not caring whether or not he could hear her from the kitchen. “I feel like I need to check that off my life list or something, an incubus who is embarrassed by sex. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“You shouldn’t tease him, I was just as embarrassed by your use of the word gargoyle d-d,” I stuttered, trying to get the word out with as much ease as the tree nymph had.
Effie looped her arm through mine, completely enjoying my discomfort. “Come on, Daphne, say it with me ‘gargoyle dick,’ you’re going to see one at some point so you better get used to it.”
I just shook my head. “I doubt that. I’m pretty sure I’m just a project to Cash. Like I’m one of the three-legged rescue animals on his farm.”
“As far as I know, Cash doesn’t want to bone any of his weird farm animals, and if he does I’m going to rethink my friendship with him,” Effie quipped as she tugged me back onto the Wharf.
It was Saturday, so the Wharf was packed full of tourists who were enjoying the air of summer turned into the crisp breeze of fall.
As we picked our way through the crowd back towards the shop, a man who wasn’t looking where he was going bumped hard into my shoulder. The collision would have sent me sprawling onto my ass if not for Effie’s vines gripping my shoulders.
“Hey man, watch where you’re going,” Effie growled as her vines set me solidly on my feet again, one of them giving my head a pat before disappearing back under Effie’s shirt.
“Sorry, I’m in a hurry,” he said, his eyes moving to me for a moment before he turned and hurried again off into the direction he’d been originally going.
I stared after him, a strange feeling in my chest. I wasn’t sure if it was my eyes playing tricks on me or not, but for just a moment there was recognition in his eyes when he looked at me.
But I’d never seen him before in my life, so I shook the feeling off as we continued our tourist duck and dodge until we made it back to Monstrous Ink.
“I hate tourist season. Most of these people are too busy gawking at the local monster population to watch where they’re going,” Effie said as she opened the door to the shop, the bell above the door tinkling as we stepped inside.
“There you are,” Ambrose said from where he was sitting in my desk chair. The elf still didn’t like me, but he was at least cordial when other people were around. “You were supposed to pull down the ink I need for my one o’ clock from the supply closet before going to lunch.”
My spine stiffened at the reproach in his tone. It sounded far too similar to Mike’s when he scolded me about something that I did wrong.
“Last time I checked that isn’t Daphne’s job,” Effie cut in, glaring at him. “All artists are responsible for getting their own supplies. Daphne just keeps the closet stocked and organized.”
Ambrose’s frown deepened. “I was busy with back to back appointments all morning.”
One of Effie’s dark green brows lifted. “You don’t look busy now, so why did you choose to sit and wait for Daphne rather than taking your happy ass up the steps to get the supplies you need yourself?”
Ambrose stood, the chains on his jeans clinking together as he slinked around the desk. “You don’t need to ride so hard for the human, Effie, it’s not like she’s going to be here for long,” he said before clomping up the stairs to get what he needed.
“What the fuck did he mean by that?” Effie asked as she watched him disappear.
“I have no idea,” I said as I settled back into my seat and booted up my computer.
The sound of plastic beads swishing together announced the entrance of Dallan who was walking his last appointment out, a pretty beast woman who looked like a lioness.
It was rare to see a beast person come into the shop. Their furry bodies didn’t really allow for tattoos, but I could see a row of new studs lining her cat-like ears.
“Just make sure to use the enchanted cleaner so that your heightened healing doesn’t cause skin to grow over the studs,” he told her as they stopped at the desk. “Daphne, can you print the piercing aftercare for beast people for me?”
I nodded and logged into the drive where we kept all of our aftercare instructions, printing the ones he asked for. “Here you go,” I said, handing it to the woman with a smile.
“I didn’t realize you had a human working here, Dallan,” the woman said, her whiskers twitching as her muzzle pulled up into what I realized was a smile. “How positively sweet. I’ve been trying to get a human receptionist over at the spa for the longest so that the human tourists don’t feel so out of place. How about coming to work with me, darling?”
Dallan frowned at the woman, the tentacles on his face curling with his obvious displeasure. “Leila, stop trying to snipe my employees or else I’ll stop re-piercing your ears when the holes inevitably close.”
