I look back and forth between the honey and the chocolate syrup, realising what she has done.I only ever have my pancakes with chocolate syrup, and no one else likes honey in my house, except—.I reach out to the honey, open the lid and squeeze it onto my pancakes in parallel lines.
Mum hears the flip-top lid close on the bottle, and she turns around quickly.‘Wait, I forgot you don’t like honey.’Her eyes fall on my pancakes covered in honey, and she watches me cut a bite out of the pancake and eat it.
Our eyes meet, and I smile softly and nod at her.She takes in a breath and nods knowingly in return before going back to what she was doing moments ago.
I take more bites of the pancake and absent-mindedly swirl around the fruits on the plate while looking off into the distance.I usually chatter more than this at the breakfast table.Mum notices that something feels off.
‘Everything okay, Lulu?’Mum asks.
I blink back and focus on her.‘Of course.’I smile, but her expression suggests that I am not convincing anyone.She smiles back at me and says okay.
I used to keep my pain within myself when I was here doing my master’s.I still do sometimes, but for the most part, my friends – Zara and Darshan – and my parents have shown me that it’s okay to lean on someone’s shoulders for support and that I don’t always have to lock my problems in a safe to have space to listen to everyone else’s problems.
I take in a breath and form the sentence in my head before I say it out loud.‘Do you know why Cooper is here in Kingston, Mum?Wasn’t he doing the art program in Chennai the last time I asked you?’
Her face drops the moment I ask the question.She hesitates because of her gut feeling that Cooper had done something to hurt me when we broke up.I don’t blame her;Ihaven’t even forgotten about it.But she still answers.‘He came back to Kingston two years ago, and he opened an art gallery a year ago.He invited your Appa and me to the opening as a thank you to your Appa for recommending the course to him.But I didn’t go, Muffin.’
My heart clashes with my head.Although it upsets me that Cooper reached out to my parents but not me, I am still prouder than ever of him finally doing what he wanted to do in life and getting the recognition he deserves.But the voices in my head grow louder, telling me that he still doesn’t care about me.‘Oh, okay.Thanks, Mum, I know you don’t like talking about Cooper.But thank you for still telling me.’
‘It’s okay, Muffin.All I want is for you to not get hurt.’
I have the last bite of the pancakes, hop down from the chair and hug Mum from the side.‘I’m going to go out to the town centre for some time.’I go upstairs to change into outside clothes.
I walk by the riverside, and the sunlight falls on my skin, covering me like a blanket.I bathe in the warmth of the sun, close my eyes and take a deep breath of the fresh air.I walk a bit longer and sit on the grass to people-watch.
A young boy starts a running race with his sister and runs quickly, yet he slows down to let her win.But she slows down too after noticing him, and they reach the winning line together, which leaves them in giggles.Their parents are walking hand in hand, drinking in the sight of each other, with grins on their faces.An old man is sitting on the bench and is feeding little pieces of bread to the pigeons.The ducks and swans waddle across the water, sometimes dipping their whole head in to cool themselves.
I thank the universe because I get to spend quality time in my hometown.I revel in its beauty and take mental pictures to recall when I will spend days floating in the Earth’s orbit.I missed being home, breathing the familiar air, being part of this community and getting to eat the best home-cooked food.
My phone chimes with a text message notification, and I click on it to find a text from Darshan.He sent a photo of himself and his boyfriend sitting outside our favourite bakery in Germany, eating chocolate croissants.And attached to the image was a text message.Thinking of you <3.
My heart bursts with joy looking at the photo.You will face the consequences of having chocolate croissants without me.I respond
He responds within seconds.Looking forward to it, Lu :P
I can’t help but smile at his message.Darshan is an absolute goofball and the best person ever.My stomach rumbles after seeing those scrumptious pastries.I get up to walk towards Cafe Leche.I’m going to have a few or a few dozen chocolate croissants before I leave for my mission.
I open the door to hear the familiar jingle.My sight immediately falls on the pastry display, but before I can walk further, the person who is standing next to the till makes me freeze in place.
