Cooper smiles even though it looks like he is being plagued by thoughts.A guy stands beside him, but he doesn’t seem confused about all of this.It feels as though he is familiar with the intensity of this meeting, and it doesn’t faze him.Our eyes meet, and he smiles politely.
Cooper notices me looking at the guy.‘Umm, this is Leo.’
The name bounces around in my head for a few seconds before I recognise it.When we were dating, Cooper had told me about Leo from the art store that he worked in.He always told me how he thought Leo was a nice person who never changed his attitude towards Cooper, even though Cooper never took the initiative to be friends.A bittersweet feeling arises in me.I’m happy that Cooper finally let himself have a friend without punishing himself, but I feel horrible for the anger that comes with it.It stings me how he is able to be there for someone he never talked much with, but he let go of us easily.
The nausea strengthens, and the air suffocates me.‘It’s nice to meet you both,’ I say, as I walk away from them and towards the door.I keep walking until the fresh air brushes over my face and the sound of the pub drowns behind me.I hear loud footsteps behind me, and my mind clashes between wanting it to be Cooper and hoping that it’s not.
‘Lu, wait,’ Zara calls out from behind.
I release my breath and turn around to face her.Her eyebrows are drawn tight.I haven’t seen her be this visibly concerned, even when I ran out of our Russian language class.I probably look more distraught than I think.
‘He isn’t supposed to be here, Zara.He isn’t.How is he here?Why is he here?Omg.’I let a word vomit that Zara listens to patiently.She slowly puts her hand on my shoulder as a form of support; it is more meaningful to me than anything she could have said.Zara isn’t a touchy person, and the fact that she is willingly initiating physical touch tells me that she is trying her best to be there for me.
‘What do you mean he isn’t supposed to be here?Doesn’t he live here?’she asks.
‘He was doing an art course in India, the last time I heard.’
22
Luna
My head feels heavy, and my temples pulsate as I wake.I barely drank anything yesterday at the pub, but my head is still pounding.I came back home and spent hours on my bed awake in the darkness, thinking about Cooper and our past.It was the first time in a couple of years that I had actively thought about him.He crossed my mind once in a while in Germany, but I always kept myself busy so that I didn’t have to think about him.Eventually, he became the crease created by a dog-eared page that was later unfolded.The marks from his existence in my life are always there, but it isn’t prominent enough to notice.I even tried dating, but neither my packed schedule nor the bruise on my heart let anyone stay around for long.
The last thing I knew about Cooper’s life was during my first year in Germany, when I asked my Mum about him against my best judgment.He was supposedly doing an art course in Chennai that spanned multiple years.I assumed that he was still there.I didn’t expect him to be here when I am visiting, only for a week before my pre-flight quarantine.But of course, by the coincidence of the universe, I had to face him after all those years that passed between us.I never even got a chance to spot the changes in his appearance, to analyse if the years had been kind to him or not.But I suppose that is mostly my fault because I bolted out of there immediately.
I go downstairs to the kitchen to get something to drink and pray that the headache goes away.I can’t spend an entire day sitting in my house and nursing my headache.Time is of the essence.I want to spend as much time as possible visiting the familiar places in Kingston and spending time with family.I only have three days left in my visit, four days flew by – four days I spent eating home-cooked food, having good conversations with my parents and showing Zara around Kingston.She left for her friend’s place last night, from where she’ll go back to Germany.
My Mum spots me coming down the stairs.‘Did you not sleep well, muffin?’
‘No, I had a nightmare, Mum.’Nightmare of how I am going to face Cooper if I run into him again.
‘Aww, I’m sorry about that, Lulu.Let me make you chamomile tea tonight so that you can sleep better,’ she says as I sit at the table facing the kitchen.
It warms my heart how much my Mum still sees me as her little child, even though I am twenty-nine.I watch her whip up her scrumptious strawberry pancakes and notice how she is growing older, too.I don’t know how many years I have left with her and Appa, but I selfishly send a mental note to the universe to keep them here longer.
She places a plate of warm pancakes topped with fresh strawberries in front of me, and she places a bottle of honey and chocolate syrup right next to the plate on the counter, before turning towards the stove to cook more pancakes.
