18
Entry no.5
It’s only three more months before I lift off into the sky with my team.For the past year and a half, my crew and I have been working tirelessly – practising, communicating, stressing, crying – but still believing in ourselves.After working hard and waiting for six months, I finally got assigned to the International Space Station (ISS) expedition, which is happening this year.I shook hands with my crew for the first time – Reece (SAE astronaut, Irish), Clara (AASA astronaut, Mexican American), and Amelie (SAE astronaut, French).
I wouldn’t have believed it if someone had told me a year back that we would be here, doing our training with each other and being a well-oiled machine together.Our best test of how we worked with each other was the simulations.Simulations mimic the environment that we would be exposed to and the possible surprise failures that would arise in such circumstances.And our simulations used to go disastrously bad.
Simulations always reveal everyone's strengths and weaknesses.And we all had a ton of weaknesses to work through.My weakness was that I was quietly panicking about issues without communicating them to my team because I was overconfident that I could work it out by myself.Reece always froze whenever an issue arose, and his brain spiralled that we won’t be able to get through the failure, which led to us not having an extra hand most of the time.Clara was always the loud one who snapped at Reece for freezing at a vital moment, further aggravating the situation.
At the end of a long and tiring simulation day, we would not want to see each other.But without discussing our problems, there isn’t a way to work through them.It is hard to let people in, but we have no other choice.We all play a huge part in keeping each other alive.So, Amelie patiently came into each of our rooms and led us to the debriefing room, where we opened up about our problems and talked about ways to communicate with each other.Amelie is the glue that holds us together.
Today – a year since our first simulation – we had a ten-hour-long simulation of everything we would be doing on the launch day in the spacecraft until we reached the ISS safely.We have gone through many simulations of everything going wrong – a sudden fire, the computers crashing, losing signals to communicate with the mission control team and a medical emergency – that we were ready to deal with anything.If anything did happen that was new, at least we could always rely on Clara’s untimely jokes to keep us in good spirits.And to our expectations, we passed the test with flying colours (pun not intended).At the end of the day, we are all crew, and more than that, we are a family.We will never give up on each other or our mission.
I haven’t had enough time to talk to my parents, Darshan or Zara.Most days, when I come back from simulations, medical checks or crew training, my body yearns for the time it can fall on the bed and shut down for the day.I miss them so much.Whatever little time I get to talk to them, Mum is always asking me to talk about my problems, but I can’t.I can’t find it within myself to be able to complain or rant about something that I waited so long to get.Complaining feels like I’m ungrateful for it.Moreover, I still don’t want them to worry about me.As every year passes by, they are growing old, too.Appa’s hair is greying, even though he has told me my entire teen years that he has the darkest hair in his family.Mum’s wrinkles have deepened, and her memory falters a little.My stomach drops every time she mentions something twice; I always go to the worst conclusions.
It will all be worth it in the end, all the fatigue, the training, the pages of information that I’ve drilled into my head for the mission.It will all fall into place, and I will finally get the chance to be closer to the stars that I’ve admired my entire life.Until that day comes, I will keep running towards the goal, doing whatever I can to be the best team leader for my crew.
