Cooper
Istare at my watchas the hour hand completes its rotation back to 12.It is two minutes away from striking 12 AM on September 3rd.I stand outside Luna’s room in the darkness with her parents.Luna’s Mum is holding the cake lit with two candles in the shape of two 2s.We slowly enter the room, careful not to wake Luna up before the surprise, but the door creaks, and Luna’s figure on the bed moves a little.We realise that the footsteps and the whispers outside the door moments ago have probably woken her up.Vikram quickly switches the light on.‘Surprise!’we all shout in unison.
Luna blinks a few times, but before she realises what is happening, we sing ‘Happy birthday’.She sits up on her bed and covers her face with both her hands.I didn’t care that we were embarrassing her because I was here celebrating the birthday of the person who means the world to me, with the people who matter the most to her.I would do it the same way all over again, if it means that Luna feels adored and loved on her important day.
Yes,love.My heart picks up speed as I roll the word ‘love’ around in my brain.But I try not to pull focus from her birthday.Luna’s eyes roam over the numbers on the cake.She breathes in and lets out a deep sigh before shaking her head and blowing out the candles.She feeds all of us a piece of the cake, we all feed her a piece in return, which I’ve come to learn is an Indian tradition during birthdays.Her parents hug her, and they both give her a kiss on top of her head before they leave the room to both of us.Vikram pats my back as he leaves the room.‘You’re a good man, Cooper,’ he tells me.My eyes sting hearing that, but I swallow the dryness in my throat and stop myself from crying.
‘Hi,’ Luna says and pats the place next to her on the bed.
‘Hi, Luna.’I sit next to her and tuck a strand of hair from the front of her face behind her ears.She shivers under my touch.I move closer and meet our lips together and give her a long kiss, she hums in return.‘Happy birthday.I’m so glad to be here with you in this moment,’ I say after I pull back from her lips.I love how I get to know how happy she is when she hums.I have never once felt like I truly belonged anywhere or with anyone, but with Luna, I feel a sense of belonging so much so that the words effortlessly leave my mouth.
‘Me too.’Her eyes dart between mine, her eyebrows crease momentarily, but she lets out a deep sigh and smiles.
‘What is it?’I ask, mirroring her smile.
She shakes her head.‘I was worried about something, but I looked at you and knew what to do.’
‘What is it about?’My heartbeat threatens to reveal my feelings for her.
‘Nothing.’Her smile hasn’t wavered, so I let it go.
‘Okay, quickly put something warm on.I’ll be waiting in my car downstairs.’I quickly adjust my shirt’s neckline.
‘What?But—’ She sits up straight and throws her hands up.
‘Your parents know, don’t worry.I’ll bring you back home safely.’I reassure her.She has been extra cautious to not let her parents worry ever since Apollo’s death.I quickly peck on her lips before I leave the room.
I drive both of us half an hour away from her place, and my eyes dart between the road and Luna periodically, a warmth spreading across my chest.This night is going to be extra special.
Once we reach Box Hill, we get out of the car, and I lead us up a hill to the small picnic that I prepared.I thought I knew how it was going to be, but my breath is taken away by the view of the sky at this hour in the night.The lights are scant, and the sky can breathe more.We witness its true beauty with the explosion of stars and satellites.
I look over at Luna to observe her reaction.I painstakingly found out every detail about the setup that Apollo used to do for her in their childhood, so that I can recreate it as closely as possible.
Her face roams over the picnic, the food and the sky above her – taking in every single detail.I am apprehensive if she is satisfied with what she is seeing, but when she jumps into my arms and holds me tightly, all doubts evaporate from my head.
‘This means the world to me.Thank you so much,’ she says, her voice shaky.
She lets go of me and stands in front of me, looking up into my eyes.The words flow out of my mouth.‘Anything for you, my moon.’
A smile grazes both of our lips, and we put our foreheads together, soaking in this moment with each other.My heart feels full and so, instead of holding it back for a second longer, I release the words that I was hiding from her.‘I love you.’
To my surprise, she says it along with me, which makes us both pause for a second – eyes wide in shock, and we giggle at the same time.
‘Okay, you first.’She teases me.
I would be happy to shout it from the top of this hill right now, but instead I say, ‘I.Love.You.Luna.’Drawing out every syllable slowly because I mean every single word.‘I would have never imagined myself being in a position where I could be vulnerable with someone and even fall in love with someone, but you have managed to make me fall in love with you, with ease, by being yourself.You make me so happy.’I end my confession as my chest aches with the enormous amount of sentiment that this moment stirs within me.
‘I love you, Cooper.I’m so lucky to have you in my life,’ she responds with the same intensity, her eyes glistening and a smile on her face.
We lay together on the blanket, tried to count the stars, point out and name the constellations that we knew and eat the snacks that I packed for us.
Luna suddenly goes silent and starts fidgeting with the chain on her neck – the one that I gave her.She is thinking about something; it is so loud in her head that I could hear her thoughts outside.Anxiety washes over me wondering if I reminded her too much about her brother because of this picnic, and inevitably caused her sadness on the day that she was supposed to be happy on.I reach out to hold her hand.‘Everything okay?’
She sits up, and I follow suit.She nods at me, but a sadness stains her face, and her fingers fidget more with the pendant on her chain.She takes a big breath.‘Apollo was my age right now when he passed.’
I give her time to finish what she was saying before I answer.
‘I feel guilty for continuously growing older without him.It feels weird to be the same age as him, Coop.And I will one day become older than him, and he will still stay twenty-two, frozen in time.’
