He shrugged. “Well, it’s the truth. And you like me too. You may pretend that you don’t, but you do.”
“No. I. Don’t.”
Jordan smirked. “Oh, really? How about that one time when you got into a fight with Thorsen because you thought he was hitting on me? Or when you got drunk at my party and fell asleep in my bed? You were hugging me the entire night, and you had an erection, but I never said a word because I didn’t want to embarrass you. You keep touching me, and pretend it’saccidental. You watch me all the time. You sniff at me all the time. I mean, come on. You can’t be so delusional that you don’t realize how ridiculously you’re acting toward me? Everyone sees it, too, by the way. Everyone in the LD sees it and finds it hilarious, but no one dares say it to you except that psycho Maddox. Luz said it a million times, and I didn’t believe him, but after last night—”
I burst into laughter. “After last night? And what do you think happened last night, you delusional little shit? I fucking paid you. I paid you as you pay a prostitute for her services. I suffered through the talky-talk and gave in to your stupid whims because I was sleep-deprived and on the verge of losing my sanity. You, on the other hand, took advantage of me. You did it in prison when you kissed me and started this depraved shitshow. Then you did it again last night when you made a sick man pay you for a good night’s rest, when you could have given it for free. You’re the human equivalent of a fucking Ambien to me, you moron! It’s the only reason I came to your place, and I paid for the privilege. Hell, maybe I even paid for that handy, too.”
As soon as those words left my mouth, I felt bile rising in my throat. I hated every inch of my depraved being for every word I’d said, but the damage had been done. Jordan Slade looked crushed—defeated, disappointed, shocked, but most of all, hurt. He looked so fucking hurt that I wanted to slam my fist into a wall to hurt myself back.
“Who are you?” he whispered, looking at me as if I’d just landed there from the planet Mars.
I smiled bitterly. “You know exactly who I am, Jordan. I’m the biggest asshole you will ever know, and now you will never forget it.”
Jordan
It serves you right.
Those words were stuck in my head long after my conversation with Adam had ended, and he left the station without a word. After my shift ended, I went home, showered, and since then, I have been lying in bed and staring at the ceiling.
It serves you right.
I blinked the tears out of my eyes and threw a cushion at the wall, fuming. What was I thinking? What possessed me to open my heart like that and blurt it all out? Those were rhetorical questions because I already knew the answers.
After everything that happened in prison and also last night, I really believed that Adam liked me. Even when I looked further into the past, the subtle signs were always there. His overprotectiveness, the proprietary look in his eyes, the constant touching. Sure, the arguing and the bickering were our thing, but the fact remained—we were inseparable. Always close to each other, always watching each other, always looking out for each other. Adam liked me. He just didn’t know it. That was my conclusion, and the reason my day unfolded in the way it had. It was why I sent him all those texts and got out of bed at dawn, anxious and worried. It was why I went to the station and spent the morning staring at my phone. When Adam finally showed up, I was so frustrated that I couldn’t hold my tongue. I said more than I should have, embarrassed myself, and got heartbroken in the process.
No wonder I ended up lying in my bed and feeling sorry for myself like a loser that I was. No wonder I kept scrolling through the food apps and ordering more food than I could eat to fill the emptiness inside me, as if it were that simple. When my phone started ringing, I considered refusing the call, but what would be the point? Luz The Relentless would only call me again. And again. And again.
“I’m going to kill someone, and it will probably be my wedding planner,” Luz said after I answered. “But before I do that, how are you, Jordie?”
“Hungry,” I replied, opening yet another food app. “Tired. Angry at myself. Take your pick.”
“What happened?”
I didn’t want to tell him what happened. I didn’t want him to tell me, “I told you so.”
“Jordie, talk to me,” Luz said, just when my doorbell rang.
“I think my pancakes arrived,” I murmured, heading to the front door. “Wait.”
The pancakes were golden-brown, fluffy, and drizzled with maple syrup. For some reason, the beautiful sight made me cry.
“Are you there?” Luz screeched, reminding me he was still there.
“Yeah,” I replied, sniffling. “It’s just that I’m not sure if I’m in the mood for something sweet.”
“Okay, now you’re scaring me,” Luz said when my doorbell rang again. “What the hell is going on, Jordie?”
“I’m overindulging,” I replied while taking the pizza from the delivery guy.
“Why?”
“I have the flu,” I lied, faking a cough. “I need to sleep. Or die. Never mind. I’ll take some cough medicine. I’ll be fine.”
“Do you have a fever? Is that why you don’t sound like yourself?”
I opened my mouth to reply when my doorbell rang again.
“Luz, my burgers are here,” I said with a sigh. “I really need to go. Can I call you back?”
