It feels normal for me. The one person that’s always been normal. And they know better than to touch me with sticky fingers. But it’s probably weird for him to see.
It’s not a long hug because Ellery leans back and takes my face in both of their hands.
“Our parents died because of drug dealing and crime bullshit. And then random, tangentially associated mafia man takes pity on us—literal children with no one to protect them—by taking us to an entirely different country, getting us fake identities, and raising us as his children slash indentured servants. I’m not trying to be flip, here. I know he made our life more comfortable than it ever had been before. But he had no right to take us. This isn’t a Dickens novel, and I wanted out. The fact that I had to sneak out in the middle of the night only proves how controlled we were, even as adults.”
It’s a long speech, and a lot to absorb. I feel stupid that I never thought about it that way before. Generally speaking, I just exist. I was home. Then I was with Murphy. Then I was part of the Banna. It is what it is. But when Ellery strings it together like that, they have a point.
Colm is watching me, eyebrows drawn together and concern clear on his face.
“I didn’t realize,” I say, feeling useless.
A ghost of a smile crosses Ellery’s face. “I know. Your brain works differently, for better or worse. It’s not your fault you don’t always get it. But I need you to give a shit enough about me to respect how I feel about things. Like listening when I say I want to leave instead of planning a murder. Or using the right pronouns. Everybody else follows all your weird rules, so you can do it back.”
I don’t want to think that I’m pouting, but I’m pretty sure that’s what it looks like. I hate feeling like I’m being scolded, and even worse when the other person has a point.
“Yeah, but you don’t follow my rules. I thought we had brother-sister privileges.”
I see the anger rising, but Ellery takes a deep breath instead and squishes my face just a little harder between their hands.
“I touch you because you don’t mind. If you told me to stop, I would. Empathy, brother.”
“Patience, sister.” I can’t suppress the call and response.
Colm, who has stayed pretty silent up until now, clears his throat.
“Sibling. Not sister. Right?”
Ellery looks at him, a little shocked like they forgot he was in the room. Or is surprised he cares. They think about it and purse their lips.
The hands come away from my face, and they go back to their sassy I-could-give-a-fuck stance.
“I will always be your sister. That’s fine with me. But you need to start caring about the pronouns and removing the word ‘girl’ from your vocabulary with exactly the same ferocity you care about your no touching rules, if you love me at all. I know you don’t care about pronouns, but you have to care that other people care. Understood?”
I nod, but both of them continue to stare at me like they’re expecting something else.
“What?” I ask, confused.
“Apologize?” Colm says, his face hopeful.
“Oh! Right. Uh… I am sorry. I really do love you, and I am apparently not good at showing it. I’ll do better.”
Ellery gives me a wicked grin and nods, before turning to Colm.
“That might literally be the first time I’ve heard him say those words. Or pretend to understand what someone else is motivated by. You’ve really done a number on him, Captain Beefsteak.”
Colm shrugs and holds out his hand for Ellery to shake.
“Thank you for coming to see us. It’s been quite a journey.”
“I bet. Tell me everything.”
I barely get started on the story, though, when Colm’s phone buzzes. He looks down and I immediately see the blood drain from his already pale face before he answers it, walking over to the other side of the room.
Ellery and I don’t even pretend we’re not eavesdropping. Although they do look at me and mouth the word‘hot’when Colm’s not looking. He mostly‘uh-huh’s and‘yes,sir’s’until he hangs up.
“I’m tingling with anticipation. Are you going to tell us?” I ask.
Colm blows out a huge breath and looks at me.
