Are we together? What does that even mean? Would I go back to his little compound in Missouri, share a bed with him and fuck every night for years and years?
It doesn’t sound awful. It actually holds a lot more appeal than going back to my life with Murphy. It was fine, I’ve always been able to entertain myself. It was getting stale, though. Especially without Ellery around.
“Are you ever coming home?” I ask.
Ellery snorts.
“Fuck you for asking. No, I’m not coming home. I never wanted to be trafficked to that fucking country anyway, I never wanted to be some powerful old man’s fatted calf to sell off to one of his business partners, and I never wanted to spend the rest of my life pretending to be a fucking girl. If you’d ever listened to me properly, you would understand that.”
Her accent wavers a little as she gets upset, slinging back and forth between American and Irish. I’m glad to see my proximity is getting to her.
There’s a barb on the end of my tongue ready to hit back. I want to tell them how angry I am that they abandoned me to go play with other criminals who can’t possibly treat them any better. It’s about to slip out of my mouth when I’m interrupted by that stupid hand on my waist.
Colm. Pinching me slightly and eyeing me up when I turn to look at him.
“What?”
“Did you travel all across the country to fight, Fallow? Or did you come here to make nice?” he asks.
I glare at him, then at Ellery.
“Neither. I came to get Ellery back.”
Ellery also opens their mouth to start yelling, I’m sure, but Colm has no problem cutting them off, too. He raises his voice a little, but keeps that calm, even tone I’ve gotten so used to.
“Ellery can do whatever they want. You’re not going to kidnap them. But I don’t think it’s going to make either of you feel better if you spend the whole time yelling. Deal?”
He stares me down, and I nod. Then he stares down Ellery, who is still standing near the door with their arms closed. They’re leaning back looking deliberately careful, but I can tellthey’re on the verge of running. It makes me feel a twinge of guilt, and I soften myself further.
“Fine,” Ellery says. “But if he misgenders me, I’ll slit his throat.”
“Well, I guess there’s no question that you’re really related,” Colm says, but I’m busy feeling my cheeks heat.
“If I knew it was that important to you, I would have paid more attention to the pronoun thing!” I’m yelling because anger is much easier to feel than shame. I don’t do shame. It’s not my fault I didn’t realize it was a big deal.
“Did you miss the point where I said, ‘this is really important to me’?”
I freeze. “It’s possible I wasn’t really listening. You do talk a lot when you’re not fleeing the scene of our childhood.”
Ellery throws their hands up and moves away from the wall, like they’re considering hitting me.
“Well, if you’d listened and had even the tiniest fragment of empathy, you’d know that while I was pissed about your chronic disrespect for my feelings, that’s not even the reason I left. I was being fucking sold.”
Ellery looks hurt, but I bet I do, too. Because I would never have let them be thrown to the wolves.
“Obviously, I was never going to let that happen. I was planning on killing the guy either right before or right after the wedding. But you left before I had the chance!”
There’s a beat, and then Ellery starts to pace from side to side, still not coming any closer to me in the room.
“That’s your solution to everything. If I wanted the man dead, I would’ve killed him myself. You’re not my guardian. I didn’t want him dead; I wanted to finally be free!”
There’s so much emotion spilling out of my sister it’s spilling into me, and my pulse is racing.
I cast around my mind for what I want to say. It’s difficult. I don’t feel most of my feelings very keenly, which is the opposite of Ellery. And Colm, I’m learning. But I’m heartbroken that my sister ever thought I wouldn’t support them when it matters.
“Were you being serious when you said ‘trafficked’ before? I don’t understand.”
Ellery stares at me, then all at once their body softens and they walk over to stand in front of me. I can see Colm tense up in the periphery of my vision, but he doesn’t make a move. He does gasp, though, when Ellery wraps their arms around me in a hug.
