Bars legally have to close in half an hour, which means he’s most likely about to get kicked out of wherever he is. In which case, he’s going to either drive home drunk, or be stranded somewhere with his car. If someone responsible was with him and planned to give him a ride, they would have texted me.
A worse-case scenario is that he’s met up with someone who isn’t responsible and is planning to go to some kind of afterparty. Or that he’s at one of the shittier bars around here that locks the doors at 1:30 but keeps serving their regulars under the table.
I don’t like any of those options. I’ve done every breathing exercise and calming logical bullshit I can manage, but it’s a lotmore difficult to ease my anxiety when the root of it is so very real, and the danger so very immediate. The girls are asleep upstairs. I can’t leave them, but I also don’t want them to wake up and see he’sl not here, and not have any answers about it. They don’t deserve that.
Fuck it.Idon’t deserve that.
After pacing a hole in the carpet, I decide to ask for help.
Silas
Are you awake? Please be awake or I’m going to have to call and wake you up.
Tristan
I’m awake. What’s wrong? Don’t call unless it’s an emergency, I don’t want to wake up the beast sleeping next to me.
Silas
I don’t know if it’s an emergency. It feels like it but I might be overreacting. Cade went out at like 9 p.m. and he still isn’t home.
I know he’s an adult but he seemed so upset and he’s not talking to me and he’s not answering and I don’t know where the fuck he is or if he’s safe.
Tristan
Woah, hold up. Slow down. Did you guys have a fight?
Silas
No? I don’t think so. I came home from work this afternoon and found him absolutely shit-faced. He never slept after his shift. We didn’t fight aboutit because I wanted to talk about it when he was sober, but he only slept for a few hours before getting up and saying he was going out.
He said everything was fine but he just needed a minute.
Fuck, he probably wasn’t even sober enough to drive then.
I never should have let him go.
Fuck fuck fuck.
I need to find him.
My spiral is interrupted by the phone buzzing in my hand. I swipe to answer, but I don’t know what to say, so no words come out of my mouth when I lift the phone to my ear.
“Okay,” Tristan says without prompting. “I’m here. We’ll sort it out. To start with, did he tell you where he was going? Even just vaguely?”
“No,” I answer.
Tristan isn’t whispering, and the rustling in the background tells me he’s already woken Ford up. I’ll feel bad about it later, but right now I’m too distracted.
“Do you wanna go look for him? I can come with you, we can check a few places he might be. I’m guessing you’ve called Wish and Gunnar and everyone already.”
“I, uh…” I trail off. “I haven’t. It’s late, I didn’t know if it was worth waking people up. I was waiting and waiting and then it got too late and I started to freak out. I want to go look for him,but I don’t want to leave his sisters here alone. I know they’re old enough to be alone, but it seems unfair. If they wake up they’ll be scared… They’ve had to take care of themselves so much, y’know?”
“Do you want me to go out and look for him?” Tristan asks.
I get that his heart is in the right place, but the thought of continuing to sit here and not do anything makes my heart pound so hard I’m worried it might burst in my chest.
The words to explain that don’t come to my mouth, though, so instead we both sit in silence for longer than anyone should ever have to. Thankfully, Tristan seems to speak neurodivergent even though he doesn’t seem like he would, and he puts together what’s going unspoken.
