I’m squinting at him to see if he meant what I think he meant, but his face is blank. No pun intended, I guess. I’ll back pocket that for another time.
“Tell me the truth, Tadhg. Why don’t you want the meds?”
He huffs and continues to look shifty, but now I can tell that the words are right beneath the surface. They’re trying to break out, so I give him the space to let them.
“I want my dick to work, okay?”
Ah.
“Doll, that’s not?—”
“Save it,” he interrupts. “I know my dick barely works anyway, and you like to tell me I’m perfect as part of your kinky little fetish or whatever, and that’s fine. But I can’t go from it working most of the time back to none of the time. Not when I have you now. It’s not worth it. You make me feel ten times better than the pills ever did. Why would I risk that?”
My heart melts a little because fuck me that’s sweet. Especially for someone as laconic as Tadhg. But it’s not the point.
I shuffle closer, until I’m straddling his lap, and I can take his face in my hands where it belongs. He’s trapped under my gaze, and I refuse to let him go anywhere.
“First of all, telling you you’re perfect isn’t a kink. You are perfect. Perfect for me.” He blinks and tries to look away, but I hold him firm. “And second of all, nothing could happen that would fuck this up. I don’t care if your cock is soft, I’ll keep it warm in my wet, hot mouth all day while we watch TV. Or I’ll get you a Viagra script as well, and maybe you’ll get such intolerably stiff boners that I’ll have to watch you fuck a fleshlight while you ride my cock. Or I’ll strap you to a prostate massager and watch you come all over yourself so many times that you start getting cramps from dehydration and beg me to stop.”
He’s still trying not to look me in the eye, but now he’s squirming and there’s a delicious pink blush painting his cheeks, telling me how much he likes the sound of all of that.
My voice softens though, because I need him to really understand. Every haze of doubt and alcohol is gone, now. I’m tired and bleary-eyed, but there’s not a fucking fiber of me that doubts how I feel about him or what I want.
“Or maybe you have less interest in sex, and we find other ways to connect. I don’t care. I loveyou, Tadhg. I’min lovewith you. I think I might have been in love with you since I waseight years old. I don’t care about the details, as long as we’re together.”
He hisses in a sharp breath, finally looking me in the eye. I know I’m squeezing his face too hard, but a sudden wave of emotion has fisted around my heart, and I can’t quite control myself.
“I just need you to be alive for it, so I can keep loving you. Okay? Please?” My voice cracks on the please, and the sudden pressure behind my eyes quickly turns into tears. Only a few, though. Just enough to roll down my cheek and leave me feeling choked.
Tadhg looks whiplashed. He nods slowly before bringing his hand to my cheek to wipe the errant tear away.
“I’ll be here, Bambi. I’m here to protect you, remember? I made a promise.”
For whatever reason, the reminder of a pinkie promise made a million years ago sends more tears flooding up to embarrass me. I don’t bother to hide it, though. I sniffle a little as my cheeks get wet and Tadhg continues to wipe them away with gentle touches.
“You better. Or I’ll die too just so I can kick your ass.”
The words come out all thick and wet, like they do when you’re crying, but we both kind of chuckle anyway.
“I know you would. Don’t worry, Bambi. I’m here.”
Part of me was waiting to hear him tell me he loves me. Not that he hasn’t told me a million times before, but something about this time would have felt different. If he needs more time, he needs more time, though.
I lean back a little, sniffing deeply and pressing the heel of my hand into my forehead while I try to get myself under control.
“Ugh,” I say as the tears dry up. “I promise I wasn’t planning on crying. This wasn’t some epic emotional manipulation to getyou to take the pills. I’m not even a crier, it just happened. It’s your fault for giving me blowjobs and margaritas, obviously.”
Tadhg lets out a soft laugh, and I latch onto it with my whole heart.
“I know, Bambi. I’m not sure you’re subtle enough for emotional manipulation. You just yell at me until I do what you want.”
“Damn straight.” Another sniff, and then I feel more like a real person again. “Okay, well, I’m going to get the pills. I can’t make you take them, but will you at least promise me you’ll think about it? And I swear on Satan’s ham wallet that whatever side effects you have if you take them, we will deal with them together. And it will befine, as you love to say.”
Tadhg mouths the wordsham walletat me with a furrowed brow, and I finally let out a genuine laugh of my own.
“It means vagina, Tadhg.”
The scrunched up, horrified face he makes in return makes me graduate from laughing to cackling.
