Hands covering her face, she whispers, “I’m sorry. I-I don’t know what came over me. I…I shouldn’t have done that. I’m just so lonely and…”
With a deep sigh, I wrap my arms around her shoulders and hold her. She hides her face in my chest, silent tears racking her body. It guts me to see Ines so upset. Owen’s death left a crater in the chest of everyone who loved him, but especially her. Time doesn’t heal; it just teaches a person how to live with that empty space.
“That’s okay,” I tell her. “You’re tired. Santi doesn’t feel well. And with Owen gone…I get it. I don’t hold it against you. You and your little man are too important to me.”
She sniffles, clinging to me, clutching my tee. As I hold her, trying my damnedest to comfort her, a thought niggles in the back of my mind.
What if I’m no better? What if I gave in to temptation with Rileybecause I was trying to fill the emptiness? Because I was lonely? What if I used her to dull my grief?
On the way home,all I think about is Riley. Before she left, I gave her hope we could one day be more. I made her believe that once I get my shit together, there’s a chance we could try a relationship. In that moment, I was sure that what I felt for her was real. That the way she makes the air around me lighter meant our connection was true. That the way she sees through my bullshit, the way I can breathe when she’s around, is because of more than loneliness.
In reality, I think I’ve been lying to myself. I’m just a broken man trying to fill a void.
Fuck. I made a mistake.
I stumble into my penthouse, my mind a mess. My throat closes, and my hands tremble. Fuck, am I delusional?
She was there for me. I knew she’d had feelings for me for years. She was hopeful we could be more. She was vulnerable and caring, and I used her. I used her to close this hole in my chest, to make it hurt a little less.
What have I done?
I crawl into bed, hide under the blanket, and let myself drown in self-loathing.
You’ve never felt like that with anyone else, my inner voice whispers.No one has ever made you feel the way she does. It was never just a distraction.
“Shut up,” I bark. “Shut the fuck up.” That’s exactly what grief does. It tricks people; it makes them cling to someone close, to the person showing them kindness and compassion. That’s why Ines clung to me.
When my phone rings, I yank it out of my pocket with a groan. Dammit. Piper. And it’s a FaceTime request.
I climb out of bed, toss my phone onto the covers, and hurry to the bathroom. I wash my face with cold water, but it’s still notenough. So, I stick my head under the tap, holding my breath for as long as I can. When my lungs start to burn, I straighten and dry my hair and face. Then, I force myself back into my bedroom.
Phone in hand, I make my way to the kitchen and call Piper back.
She answers on the third ring, her smiling face appearing on my screen. “Hey, hey,” she greets me. “Wasn’t sure you’d call me back.”
I fake a smile. “Was taking a shower. My phone was in the kitchen.”
“Got it.” She scrutinizes me, and I pray to all the gods she’ll let me off the hook. “How are you?”
“I’m okay. We’re working on the new album, so I don’t have time to brood.” What a fucking lie. I’m an asshole. “How are you? How are Hunter and the kids?”
“Everything is fine. Summer break is not for the weak when your kids are home most of the day.” With a sly smile, she peers over the screen. “I’m ready to worship the ground Ry walks on. She’s my lifesaver. Hudson is obsessed with her, and Story follows her around asking ballet questions all day. I don’t think we would’ve survived this month without her.”
Then, she shifts, and Riley appears.
My breath hitches. She’s sitting on the sunbed, Hudson tucked under her arm, a book in her lap. Her hair is in its usual messy bun, a few wild blue locks framing her face. She’s in a blue tee and denim shorts, relaxed and comfortable.
I miss her, that’s true, but I have no right to feel so attached.
I’ll only hurt her if I keep letting her save me.
It’s not her job.
And it’s not fair to her.
Once she’s back in New York, I need to distance myself from her, set some boundaries before my selfishness breaks her apart.
I swallow past the lump in my throat. “Yeah, that’s Riley for you.”
