A wave of unease hits me, making bile rise in my throat. “So, I guess we can officially check ‘bad idea’ off the list.”
“Yeah.” His answer is nonchalant.
I frown at him, though I can’t hold eye contact, not when my brain is filled with images from last night, the words he whispered, memories of his whimpers and moans. I bite my cheek. How am I supposed to move on after all that’s happened?
“We were a bit…reckless last night.”
“Yeah, we were.”
The quickness with which he agrees makes my stomach roil again.
“It was incredible.” I blow out a breath. “But…”
Please say something that will give me hope. Please…
He nods. “Yeah. But it was only once.” He crooks a smile. “Eventhough it was technically closer to five times.” His attempt to lighten the mood doesn’t quite land.
“Uh-huh. Five times, but eight orgasms.”
“Eight?” His hand freezes over the toast plate. “Oh, you mean for both of us. You got me all confused for a second.”
“I knew you’d figure it out.” I keep my tone light. I have to let this go. Yes, I’m upset last night didn’t change anything between us, but it’s not fair of me to hold it against him. We agreed on one night, and that’s exactly what we had. So, I put all these sad emotions in a box and stuff them into the farthest corner of my mind. I’ll have my sad-girl moment later, when I’m alone.
“Any plans for today?” I ask as I pick up my toast again.
He dips his chin. “I have a meeting with the label. They want to discuss a tribute to Owen.”
Concern builds in my chest. “How do you feel about it?”
He shrugs. “Glenn has been talking about it for months. I’m glad they finally listened, but honestly, I’m not sure I can do it. It’ll mean releasing stuff we’ve already recorded. To be in the studio without him, hearing his voice and guitar…” He sucks in a breath, head hanging low.
I cover his hand with mine. “That will be so hard, I’m sure, but I believe in you. Think about what it would mean to Ines and especially Santi.”
Eyes softening, he turns his hand over and threads his fingers through mine. The simple move sends a jolt of electricity through me. I’m so fucked up… That one night will be my undoing.
“Thank you so much, Ry. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you after Owen’s death.” He strokes his thumb over my knuckles. “You’re my lifeline.”
I swallow past the lump that has suddenly formed in my throat. “Of course. I’m your friend. I’m here for you. Always.”
The butterflies have returned, fluttering in my belly. I’m tempted to punch myself in the gut to shush them. I can’t react like this to him anymore.We are just friends. We will only ever be just friends.
I slowly untangle my fingers and pick up my mug. “I better finish breakfast. I have a class at ten.”
“Summer break starts in two days, right?”
I nod.
“My offer to celebrate still stands.”
“I’ll think about it.” I gulp down the rest of my coffee then stand and put my dishes in the sink.
While Nastya tellsme about the Broadway show Grant took her and her mother and sister to, I nod and smile, though I barely hear a word she says.
She lunges forward, nearly knocking over her coffee. “Okay, this isn’t working.” Eyes narrowed, she examines me. “What happened?”
I pick at the brownie in front of me. We ordered a piece of cheesecake too, and we split them both. “What do you mean?”
“You’re weirdly quiet. Like your mind is elsewhere.” She tips her head, her red hair cascading over her shoulder. “So I’m asking again: what happened?”
