Maybe cheering her up will help me stop feeling like I’m falling apart.
And honestly? I desperately need something to keep me from losing control.
5
what is so different?
HAYDEN
When my alarm goes off,the room is slightly lit, thanks to the sunlight slicing through the gap between the curtains. I fix my focus on the ceiling and wait for the oh so familiar weight to settle in. Minutes pass, but the suffocating sensation doesn’t come. I don’t feel light, but I can breathe. Looks like my brain has chosen not to torture me for the first time in a week.
I’ll take the reprieve, even if it’s only one good day. With a grunt, I swing my legs off the bed. Slowly, I stand, stretching and yawning. I don’t usually get out of bed until after ten, so this seven thirty wake-up call is a little brutal. Old habits die hard, and I’m the best example of it. I’ve played gigs and shows for years, which means it’s rare I’m in bed before 2:00 a.m., even when I’m not on the road.
When my phone buzzes on the nightstand, I frown at it. Because of my sleeping habits, no one calls this early. I pick it up, and when Ines’ name flashes across the screen, I answer immediately.
“Hey. You’re up early.” I rub the back of my neck. “I was gonna call you later. I got the LEGO set you told me about the last time I saw you.”
“Sleeping in is a privilege when you live with a two-year-old,” she says with a light laugh. “Or a kid in general. I hope I didn’t wake you.”
“Nah. Believe it or not, I was actually already up.” I wander downthe hallway to the bathroom. “I thought I’d stop by later. Is that okay? I bought some toys for your little man.”
“Always.” She sighs. “You’re always welcome at our place.”
“Awesome. I have places to be this morning, but I can swing by around lunchtime. What do you guys want to eat?”
“You don’t have to?—”
My chest tightens. She’s always so quick to turn down help. Dammit. “I want to,” I tell her. “Come on, give me something.”
She lets out a long exhale and chuckles softly. “If you insist. Santi is obsessed with the chocolate croissants from the pastry shop near the park, and I love their coffee.”
“Caramel latte?” I ask as I flip on the bathroom light. I immediately regret it. Squinting, I flip it off again.
“Um…yeah. I’m surprised you remember.”
“As much coffee as I’ve picked up for you? I’d be a total ass if I didn’t know what you liked by now.” I lick my dry lips. “So, caffeine for you, croissants for Santi. Got it.”
Ines sounds softer by the end of the call. Hopeful, even. It warms my heart; that’s exactly why I’m doing it. I don’t want Owen’s widow to be alone during the grieving process, so I’ve made an effort to visit often. Since the funeral, we’ve both needed the company of someone familiar, someone to lean on when the weight of Owen’s decision became impossible to ignore. Jimmy and Bo are grieving too, but they weren’t anywhere near as close to Owen as I was, and they surely weren’t the ones to find him that morning.
Some days, a call from her is what keeps me going, what pushes me to crawl out of my bed and leave this apartment. Ines has no family in the US, no one but Santi and me. Owen’s parents are around, but her relationship with them has been strained since his death. If the parent of my significant other blamed me for their death, I probably would’ve done what Ines did and gone no contact too. It’s her right as Santi’s mom to keep him from people with such hate in their hearts, and that’s what I said to Owen’s mother when she begged me to convince Ines to let them see their grandson. I’ve been on her shit list ever since.
Being around Ines and Santi brings me comfort. We were never all that close before we lost Owen, but now, she’s like my anchor, steadying me when my legs can’t hold my weight. I’m the only person she can count on, and I have to be strong for her. I suspect I’m grounding her too.
All I want is to support her and her little boy. She’s family, just like Riley.
Shit.
I need to get going. With any luck, my timing will work out.
On my wayto the studio, I stop at a café to order what I remember as Riley’s go-to: iced flat white with oat milk. The barista recognizes me, but thankfully, all I get are a few curious glances and one request for an autograph. Once my order is ready, I snag it from the pickup counter. I’m proud for a whole thirty seconds before a feminine voice bursts my bubble.
“That hasn’t been her favorite for six months.”
I frown and turn, finding myself face-to-face with Nastya. She’s in a white summer dress paired with golden sandals, her red hair collected into a high ponytail. She’s beautiful, but I’d be lying if I said she doesn’t terrify me. Green eyes glued to my face, she studies me as if I’m some animal prepped for dissection.
“Hey. Didn’t expect to see you here.”
She blinks and cants her head to the side, her ponytail brushing her shoulder. “No, Hayden, it’smewho didn’t expect to seeyouat the café where Ry and I get our coffee almost every day. You are the anomaly here.”
