All I can think about is whether I’ll be getting a congratulations text, too.
17
CARMEN
Iusually go straight to my computer when I get home from work.
Ideas tend to occur to me throughout the day, and I’m eager to get them down on the page once I step through the door and kick my shoes off. Even for the last couple weeks, when I’ve been in the merciless grip of writer’s block, I’ve kept that routine, sitting at my computer with my Word document open, just to stay in the habit.
But for the last few days, I’ve been following a different after-work routine. One that I keep telling myself I’m going to break—but don’t.
I go straight to my couch and fall onto it. My head lands right on the pillow that Jamie slept on the other night. I pull in as deep a breath as my lungs allow. His scent is still there.
Of courseI got the best night of sleep I can remember next to Jamie. Of course that only adds one more thing to the list of benefits I’d get from hooking up with him.
It seems like the more time I spend with Jamie, the weaker my arguments against giving in get. My resolve not to cross thatline with him is like a sheet of ice melting under the balmy sunlight of his sickeningly genuine personality.
And if I’m being honest? I don’t even find it sickening anymore. Just sweet.
But that doesn’t mean the reasons I’ve always had for wanting to keep my distance have changed.
He’s still obviously a relationship guy, and I’m still totally not in the right mindset for a serious relationship. Jamie clearly has love and commitment on his mind, with a happily-ever-after as his end goal. I don’t.
Paradoxically, hooking up with him, or even trying to date him, would be selfish, even though it’s the thing he wants. Because in the end, I know I’d only be teasing him with a false promise of something I can’t give. He’d get hurt in the end.
Still, thinking of the kind of good sleep and good sex I’d have if I gave in … well, it tempts me to be selfish.
I glance at my bedroom. If post-chili sleep next to Jamie on my couch was good … how good would post-sex sleep next to Jamie in my bed be?
Slick heat gathers between my legs, my thighs tingling as I allow images of that scenario to sneak into my head.
I imagine Jamie settling between my legs, my thighs wrapping around his trim hips. The muscles at the juncture of my legs tug, an ache of want twisting low in my core.
I drop onto the couch. I lie down, my cheek against the pillow Jamie used. The breath I pull in is still tinged with his lingering scent, a rich, spicy flavor from his shampoo.
A stab of desire pierces me as the scent hits my nose. The ache between my legs turns into a liquid throb, and I feel a rush of want to relieve it.
I roll my thighs together. A spark of pleasure sweeps through me. I squeeze my thighs again, and when I imagine Jamie’s hand between them, adrenaline rushes through my bloodstream, thefantasy shockingly palpable with his woodsy scent dancing on my senses.
No one’s going to get hurt if I indulge my own fantasies a bit …
I lean back and open my thighs. My nipples pull tight under my shirt as I undo the button and zipper of my jeans. Pressure swells behind my clit. The ache of need between my legs has built to such a sharp, twisting pang that I don’t even think of going to my bed or changing into something more comfortable first. My living room curtains are closed anyway. Besides, this couch is where Jamie’s smell is still imprinted.
Bliss scatters through me when my finger brushes against my swollen clit.
The sight of Jamie’s bare body rushes into my mind, all hard lines, broad planes, and sharp angles. Electricity rushes up and down my spine, my back arching as I work myself with my hand.
I slip a finger inside myself. The satisfaction it gives is tinged with longing as I imagine how much better one of Jamie’s big, powerful fingers would fill me. I think about clasping his broad, veiny hands while they’re planted on my bare hips, his face between my legs. A throb of pleasure ripples through me like a shockwave.
I imagine my inhibition melting away. Testing out all the things I haven’t felt comfortable or enthusiastic enough to try in bed before.
Guiding Jamie’s hand to my throat as he leans over me.
Climbing all over his broad, sturdy body.
Biting against the hard knot of muscle on his shoulder as we both hurtle toward release. Leaving marks on his back with my nails.
Muscles are pulling taut all over, a ball of pressure swirling in my center. I’m already close. Tendrils of hot electricity curlthrough me, pleasure prickling all over my body, making my breath choppy.
