As I get closer, I realize that Jamie’s name is a whisper on my lips.
I’ve never been that vocal in bed before. That’s another thing I imagine myself trying. Losing myself in overwhelming sensation so much that I can’t help but call out his name.
With my orgasm just a couple flicks of my finger away, I decide to try it out. Letting my voice go, I fill my living room with his name, thick with the throaty whine of pleasure.
“Jamie, Jamie, Jamie …”
18
JAMIE
The container of chili I’m carrying warms my hands during the chilly walk to Carmen’s place.
Chili, chilly. Hah. Maybe I’ll use that pun to try and get a laugh out of Carmen when I see her.
On second thought … maybe I won’t.
I haven’t seen Carmen in a couple days. I’ve stopped by Last Word a few times, but I’ve just been out of luck, and my visits haven’t coincided with her shifts.
So, I decided to make her some chili and bring it to her place as an excuse to see her. I know how much she liked it the night I fell asleep on her couch.
I’ll just tell her I made it for dinner and ended up making way too much for us to finish at the house. Even though every drop of the pot I just cooked is in this container, and I had to chase away my roommates with a wooden spoon to keep them from devouring it.
I bounce up the steps to Carmen’s apartment. I’m humming with anticipation for her to try this. I think I did a half-decent job with the spare ingredients we found in her cabinets the othernight, but this is myrealchili. All the ingredients are present and freshly bought from the store today.
Maybe she hasn’t eaten yet, and she’ll want a bowl right away. Maybe she’ll invite me in, and I’ll get to see her eyes light up when she wraps her lips around the spoon.
Maybe it’s weird that my cock twitches at the thought. But I don’t think I can imagine anything involving Carmen’s lips without that happening. I sure as fuck can’t imagine her using her lips to tell me off with one of her sarcastic quips without that happening.
Repositioning the container to hold it in the crook of one elbow, I rear back with my other hand to knock on her door—until a sound stops me in my tracks.
A throaty sound from behind her door brings my lungs to a halt, trapping the air in my chest. Suspicion and uncertainty have my muscles locked. All my attention turns to my ear as I stand silently, waiting to hear more.
Then I hear it again. And again. Short, gaspy moans. As I stand in the cold, they grow louder, drawing out longer.
My heart plummets in my chest, clattering down so hard that it feels like I’m standing on it. Disappointment and distress rattle through me. Here I am bringing Carmen chili she didn’t even ask for, like an obsessed dork, and she’s hooking up with another guy.
My stomach lurches. Dark jealousy like I’ve never felt before curdles in my veins. It’s a sensation I have no right to feel, not by a long shot, but I can’t help it. An acrid taste fills my mouth.
I try to check my reaction. We’re obviously not in a relationship, not even close. We’re barely even friends. Basically still acquaintances at this point. But all my rational thoughts can’t stop the possessive dismay from slicing through me like a hot knife.
But then I hear something that makes the ground tilt under my feet.
My name.
All the negative emotions racing through me disintegrate. I ask myself if I’m sure I’m not imagining what I just heard. But my name on Carmen’s voice gets louder behind her door, the two syllables laced with a lusty tone.
And I keep hearing it as I stand here, frozen.
I also realize that I don’t hear any male voice behind her door. Just hers.
Arousal erupts like a bomb behind my chest. Just feet away from me, Carmen is getting herself off while moaning my name.
Flames streak through my bloodstream. Desire fills me. My pulse hammers, pounding in my neck. Pressure swells behind my eyes.
It’s a damn miracle that any blood is even making it above my waist, because my fucking cock is so hard it could hammer a nail.
As the first rush of intensity wanes, I realize how inappropriate it is for me to be standing here, listening.
