I think about the fact that I’ve developed feelings for my friend with benefits. About the fact that the man in question is practically half my age. About the fact that he’s my best friend’s son and that still didn’t prevent me from doing the unthinkable, crossing lines I really shouldn’t have.
I think about the fact that I’ve made sure to remind Cody that we are just friends —about the fact that I openly encouraged him to go out with his hot new colleague— and that he’s taken my words at face value. That I quite literally pushed him into dating someone else.
Someone more appropriate for him.
It doesn’t make the ache in my chest hurt any less to think that last part.
“Yeah,” I assure Mike, even though I think I’m lying. “I’m just…thinking, is all.”
There’s a pause on the other side of the call, then he cautiously says, “Okay. But you know you can talk to me, right? About anything?”
About the fact that I’m falling in love with your son?I think drily.Probably not.
Out loud, I answer, “I do.”
***
Friday night is awkward. I know it’s my fault. I’ve been on edge ever since the call with Mike earlier in the week, and I’ve been trying to think of how to get out of the hole I dug myself.
I’m not upset with Cody at all. A little hurt that he didn’t tell me about agreeing to the date with Brad, but it’s possible —actually, more than likely— that he was waiting to tell me in person. It seems like the kind of conversation he’d prefer tohave face-to-face, rather than via text, even if he initially told me about it that way. He’s a bit of an old soul, while I’ve spent my life avoiding in-person emotional conversations like the plague.
They come easier with Cody, though.
It’s a pity I was too busy sticking my head in the sand to notice until it was too late.
But would I really have done anything differently? With my closest friendship on the line, would I honestly have told Cody that my feelings had surpassed those of a legitimate friends-with-benefits arrangement? Would I have told him not to say yes to the date?
Let’s be honest: no, I wouldn’t have.
So, really, the ending here would have been the same. I would still be silently berating myself and pining over an unattainable man.
“Is everything okay?” Cody asks me when we’re settled on his couch. His hand is extended toward the TV, holding the remote. His thumb hovers over the button to play the most recent episode ofEldertide. But he’s looking at me and frowning. “You seem…off.”
I’ve always been an advocate for honesty. I’ve never led any of my hookups on, and I’ve endeavored to be just as upfront with Cody from the start of our friendship. The fact that I’ve been lying to Mike, even just by omission, turns my stomach, and I refuse to fall into the trap of lying to Cody as well.
So, as much as it makes me uncomfortable, I sigh and tell him, “I talked to Mike the other night. Somehow, the conversation turned to you—”
“Oh, God.” He tenses and pales, dropping the remote onto the rug at his feet. He makes no attempt to pick it up, fixing his wide eyes on me. “Did you…does he know about…”
“No,” I hurry to assure him, trying not to be hurt that he doesn’t want his parents knowing about us, either. It seems a bithypocritical to feel this way, because I totally understand why, but I’ve never been someone’s dirty little secret before and it’s not a pleasant feeling. “But he mentioned that you’re going out with Brad for V-Day.”
Cody winces and reaches up to rub the back of his neck. “I was going to update you tonight. It didn’t feel right texting you about it. I’m not, like, trying to hide it or anything…”
“There’s nothing to hide,” I acknowledge, even though the words taste bitter. “We’re friends with benefits, Cody. Itold youto go out with him. You’re not doing anything wrong. I mean” —the laugh that escapes me sounds brittle to my ears— “we only started this thing to give you confidence to date, right? So…I guess it was a success.”
A furrow develops between his manicured eyebrows, and something in his expression tells me I’ve given my feelings away.
I watch as he licks his lips, trying not to think about all the times they’ve been wrapped around my cock or pressed against my own as we’ve made out until one or both of us have come.
“Ken…” he eventually begins hesitantly, but I can’t handle having to admit that I broke my own rules.
“Seriously,” I cut him off, “it’s fine. I just…I guess I was a little hurt that I didn’t hear it from you.” I muster a smile. “You could havecalledto tell me.”
“It felt like something to talk about face-to-face.”
This time, my smile is more genuine. Iknewthat would be his reasoning.
Because I know him so damn well now.
