After few seconds, she slid free. “Thanks.” She cleared her throat. “I’m going to turn the news back on, but keep the volume off in case we get any more visitors.”
“Good idea.” End of discussion, but his mind churned.He poured himself more coffee while she found the remote and switched on the TV.
“Shit.”
Kurt turned. “What’s wrong?”
Her gaze never left the screen. “Glenn died.”
According to the news, Glenn Lambert had succumbed to his injuries overnight.
I killed him. The words clanged in Caitlyn’s head. Just hours ago, he’d taken his last breath, and it was her fault. He had been a vile man with murderousintentions, clearly complicit in his dad’s crimes. He’d come at her with a knife. She couldn’t regret her actions.
That didn’t mean she was over it. She would have rather seen him face the justice and humiliation of a trial. Sadly, though, left to the court system, the entire Lambert family could easily go unpunished.
Not that she planned to hunt anyone down. Vigilante she was not.
As muchas she wanted to be proactive about finding Rose, they needed more information. But they also couldn’t stay sequestered in Brandon Marlowe’s house forever. Nor did she want to be on the run from police and Lambert for the rest of her life. And she certainly couldn’t subject Kurt to the same fate just for trying to help out a former friend.
Ever since she’d found Rose, Shaylee had been using hernetwork to learn more about Lambert’s company and dealings. Assuming Rose was okay—and Caitlyn couldn’t bring herself to consider the alternative—they needed to find a way to get Rose out of his clutches and figure out if he was merely part of the organization behind the trafficking on St. Isidore, or he ran the business.
“Hey.” Kurt appeared at her side. “Are you okay?”
She held her elbowsand watched the silent newscaster as the story moved to ongoing cleanup efforts in the Leewards. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because no matter the circumstances, it’s not easy to take a life.”
“In this case, it should be.” Her voice came out with an edge like chipped ice. “The world is better off without him.” But he was still a person with a whole world inside his head, and family and friends whowould mourn him, whether he deserved it or not.
She wouldn’t cry over him, but that didn’t mean she would throw a party either.
“If I were one of your guys, would you be worrying?” she asked.
“Yes. Absolutely.” He crossed his arms, unconsciously mirroring her stance. “In fact, I have a plan for mental health services, and I encourage anyone on my team who needs them to use them. It’s all confidentialand I’ll never know, but we need to reject the stigma behind people seeking help when they need it. It’s hurting too many service members and civilians alike.”
“You’re a generous man.” And like no one else she’d ever met.
He scoffed. “Also selfish. I want them to keep working for me and if they’re messed up, they can’t do their job.”
Yeah, right. Was he afraid she’d think him a big softy? Asif there was anything wrong with that. It only made her…likehim more.
“Aren’t we all a little messed up?”
His low laugh rumbled through her. “Yeah.”
In retrospect, she probably should have sought counseling after Aaron attacked her. She’d thought herself so strong and tough, and he’d shattered that belief. Her physical wounds had healed, but she retreated into herself, hyperaware and skittisharound men, hiding it under a hard shell of indifference and sarcasm.
She had spoken to Kurt as little as necessary and counted the days until he formally entered his PJ training and left Tinker for good. Having him around had been torture because he was everything she could want in a man, but he loathed her. And she was broken anyway, at the time not sure she’d ever want a man to touch her again.
And then she’d lost the baby. Kurt had noticed her car in the parking lot after hours and found her in the women’s locker room, bleeding out on the floor. Part of her had hated him for seeing her at her most vulnerable. For caring for her while the paramedics were on their way. For making her realize how much she had lost by hurting him. For making her want more, the whole stupid fairy tale.
She had pushed him away even harder, refusing to see him at the hospital, and then Terrell had brought her home and told her Kurt was gone. He’d been called up to start his training earlier than expected. No goodbye, just gone. Terrell had been the perfect friend then, no censure, no questions, just support.
That night she had cried for hours. When the tears were gone, she picked herself up andbegan the long process of putting herself back together, reclaiming control of her life, immersing herself in martial arts and self-defense classes that went far beyond the basic disarming and defensive techniques the Air Force had given her.
And, eventually, encounters with men who liked a woman who took charge had helped her heal and regain her confidence. But she could see now that Aaron hadstill stolen far too much from her.
She’d made herself too strong, her shell too hard, and Kurt had put cracks in her protective cover. If she let him get any closer she might shatter.
