CHAPTER 10
CAITLYN’S WORDS WERE so out of context that it took Kurt a second to comprehend them. And then all the long-held anger and the leaden sense of betrayal collapsed over him with the force of a tsunami. Twelve years evaporated in an instant.
“Immaculate conception, was it?” he snapped. They may have only shared a few kisses the night before he left for training, buthe’d ridden high on the memory during the ten weeks he was gone, parlaying it into much, much more.
Only to return to find out she was six weeks pregnant. Simple math.
Her face turned bright red.
Shit. He sighed. Hadn’t he moved past this? “I know we didn’t have an explicit understanding or anything, but I—”
“Aaron raped me.”
Kurt’s chin jerked back and he gaped like a fish stuck on dry sand,suddenly unable to breathe. “He…” Christ. Kurt’s blood heated as rage pounded through his veins, useless and inadequate. “That fucker.” He forced his hands to unclench. His violent mood wouldn’t do either of them any good now. “God, Caitlyn, I’m so sorry.” Could he be more impotent? “Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t youreporthim?”
She hugged her middle. “And relive that horrible moment overand over only to have it all shoved under the rug? No, thank you. I just wanted to move on. And I have.”
“I’m sorry,” he sighed and raked his hair. “I didn’t mean to attack you.” More than anything, she hated to be vulnerable. He knew that. But still… Jesus. If he’d known, he never would have walked away from her after such a trauma. He’d been nursing his broken heart, feeling like the injuredparty, totally unaware that she’d been violated in the worst way. Never mind that she hadn’t told him, shouldn’t he have sensed something was wrong?
Instead he’d taken her at face value, letting her drive him right out of her life.
If he could go back, he’d hunt Aaron down and break his fucking neck.
“Besides,” she said. “I let him in to my room. We had a history. He was a freakingcop. Itwas my word against his, and you know the military doesn’t have a great track record with that kind of thing. You really think anyone in charge would have believed me?”
Sadly, no. Assholes like Aaron usually got away with it, and even if they were caught with irrefutable evidence, they often skated with minimum sentences. Especially if there was even a hint the woman had “asked for it.” Giventhe shaming and skepticism victims often faced, he understood her reluctance to seek justice.
“You could have told me,” Kurt said softly. “I would’ve kept your secret. I would have been there for you. No expectations.”
Her gaze didn’t waver. “I know.”
And still she’d chosen not to. He could’ve easily taken that personally, but that would be selfish. Especially given that he would have lefther again even if she’d been willing to pursue a relationship—friendship or otherwise—after what she’d been through. PJ training lasted at least eighteen months and he’d just been getting started. Near-constant deployment would have followed. He’d have rarely been home. She had owed him nothing.
Except, just now, she’d given him something anyway. Her trust. And after a dozen years of believingotherwise, he knew she hadn’t tossed him aside the minute he left for Indoc. She hadn’t lied to him in the way he’d thought.
“Why are you telling me now?” he asked.
She licked her lips and sighed. “Because despite what you thought I did, you’re here. I hurt you, and I’m sorry. That’s the last thing I wanted to do, but at the time I was too wrapped up in my own pain to care. I certainly wasn’tin a place to pick up where we left off. Letting you believe the worst of me was easier than telling you the truth.” She lifted one shoulder with studied indifference. “And I was afraid of what you might do.”
Her concern over his reaction was justified. He would’ve hunted the motherfucker down and probably ended up in jail. He wouldn’t even have regretted giving up the Air Force and the PJs ifit meant Caitlyn got justice.
“Did you talk toanyone?” he asked.
“No. You’re the first.”
His heart folded in on itself. She had suffered all this alone. “Thank you for trusting me now.”
She nodded and stared at the wall behind him, arms crossed.
“I wish to God youhadcheated on me,” he said. “I wish it had been that simple and harmless.” Between her dad, stepdad, and Aaron, it was no wondershe didn’t trust men to treat her right. “I would gladly take that hurt a million times over if I could take back what happened to you.”
“Yeah.” Her emerald gaze met his. “Well.”
Right. He couldn’t. He was being stupid. Wanting to fix and save her when it was far too late to do either. And not his place, for that matter.
What she needed was for him not to show pity or look at her like she wasdamaged. And couldn’t he relate?
He was out of words. Completely out of his depth. Instead, he reached for her and she stepped into his careful embrace. Another display of trust.
