"To what end?" Jessica asks.
I look at her, noting the curiosity in her expression and so I shrug. "I don't know if there's forgiveness involved or how it will unfold, but maybe at the end of the day it'll just be mercy."
The phone between me and Jessica chimes and she reaches for it, the light that had been shining upward suddenly illuminating the floor in front of me. Jessica looks at me and asks, "Do you want Lilith there?"
"I don't mind," I reply honestly. "But she doesn't have to."
Jessica laughs and turns the phone around to show me the screen as she says, "Well, she's only about an hour out, so…”
Issa laughs on my other side and says, “That sounds like Lilith."
The phone on the other side of Issa chimes. She retrieves it, that light now focused in the middle, leaving me with this surreal feeling of being shrouded in darkness.
And then Issa says, “Declan says they have a good lead. Wants to know where you want them to bring her once they secure her.”
“Is here okay?” I ask, but then Jessica makes a face, so I add, “She’s already been here, so not like I need to hide.”
“I mean, that’s fine, I guess.”
“But…” I ask, knowing there must be a but.
“Never bring a possible crime scene to your home.”
“Crime scene, wha—” I cut off my own sentence as I realize what she’s insinuating.
“I won’t kill my own mother,” I state, genuinely appalled they would think that of me. “Why would you think that?”
“Well, I don’t, really. And it’s not like you’d have to do it,” Jessica explains almost absent mindedly, not at all put off by my obvious distaste. “But no one would blame you if you did.”
I frown, having no idea how this conversation went so dark so fast. But then I remember what that woman did to me. What she enabled while I was small and defenseless and my anger rises.
Issa’s hand on my arm pulls me from my thoughts. “Don’t worry, Cass. There are countless options on how to handle her, not just the permanent options. It’ll be whatever you’re comfortable with.”
“I have no idea how it will go or how I’ll feel after.”
Issa nods. “I’m still not sure how I feel about many things that have happened in my life. Do I get some satisfaction fromknowing they can’t hurt anyone else ever again? Sure. Do I sometimes suffer from guilt knowing the truth behind what happened to them? Yes. Does my misplaced guilt absolve them of their guilt? Not even for a second.”
“I could never—” I stop speaking, unable to even finish the sentence, and Issa sighs and says, “Yeah, me neither.”
I glance at Jessica, waiting for her to agree with us but she says nothing. She also doesn’t look like any kind of guilt is eating her up so maybe her silence means she feels the same.
Jessica glances at me, catches me staring. She raises her brows at me and says, “I never thought I could either, but then I was put into a situation where it was me or him, and I chose him.”
I frown, truly appalled by what I’m hearing. “It’s really true, isn’t it?”
“What’s that?” Issa asks.
“Everyone has their own monster story.”
“Most people, yes,” Jessica states. “Everyone just carries it differently.”
“What do you think I should do?”
Jessica levels me with a serious look then replies, “It doesn’t matter what I think. Only you can make that decision.”
“First,” Issa interjects. “You should hear her out. And since Lilith will be there, you should hear her out as well.”
Jessica nods then adds, “And let’s not forget the biggest elephant in the room,” she pauses looking between us before continuing, “Lilith let her live.”
