“He was in mourning as any husband or wife would be after losing their spouse. It was no more than that, or so I thought at the time. I assumed that he had just decided that there was no point in working as hard. He only had himself to provide for. That is, until I returned. I encouraged him to resume all his duties and that if he did not, your mother would write to you and that you would likely be sacked. I did not know at the time that you never read letters from her.”
She took a deep breath then sipped the brandy before she could continue.
“As it was also January, I reminded him of how much mother would be disappointed if he allowed the grapes to die on the vinewithout being harvested for wine. That is what motivated him the most and I hoped that by the time the harvest was complete that he would have had a change of heart and resume all his duties. Your mother thought the same.”
“He did not?” Sterling asked.
Oh, she wanted to believe that Sterling did care and was trying to understand, but after the way he had spoken to her at the house, she feared what he might say when she was done. Yet, she continued.
“No, he did not. I tried everything that I could but he only cared about the grapes and wine. I had told him that if he did not return to his other duties that he was likely to lose his position. He asked me what other duties, as if he had forgotten, and I came to realize that he had. A senility had set in and he only cared about the grapes or anything my mother had touched, and the rest well, was not his responsibility, as if it had never been. Therefore, I was left with no choice but to step in and assume his responsibilities while I tried to remind him of everything he had managed before. My biggest fear was that you would learn but your mother assured me that you would never visit and never know. I trusted in that.”
He nodded, sadness in his blue eyes and maybe he was understanding.
“Your mother also did not feel it was necessary to tell you because the estate was being managed just as well as it had been under my father’s supervision.” She took a deep breath, straightened her shoulders and lifted her chin. “That is how I became your estate manager.”
He just stood there and stared at her and it became very hard to hold onto her false confidence.
“So when I arrived, you decided just to lie to me.”
“I did not see it so much as a lie as an omission,” she reluctantly admitted. “We assumed that you would tour the estate, review the reports and accounting and leave. You did not.”
“Had your father met with me when I asked him to and provided me with the answers I needed, I may have left fully ignorant of what was occurring on my own estate.”
Caroline drew in a shaky breath. He was still angry. He had only appeared calmer.
“My intention had only been to remain a sennight, or fortnight at the most.”
“I am aware.”
“It was my mother who kept me here, and your father by avoiding me, that led to my discovery of what you were doing.”
Oh, if only her father had just reviewed the reports, been able to remember, and care what was written within, had his meeting with Wyndham and answered all the questions correctly, he would have been gone before…before everything.
Chapter Forty-Five
He understood herreasons and her actions but he couldn’t forgive her deceptions.
“You could have told me at any time while we traveled, visited Boulder Beach, hiked to Table Mountain. Then there were the days we worked side-by-side during the harvest, or maybe when we lay in your bed!”
She drew back as if struck.
“Yes, I can see where you did not have ample opportunity.”
He pushed long fingers through his hair and sipped the brandy.
“Did it ever occur to you to explain? What did you fear would happen?”
“Happen?” she repeated. “When you first arrived you were so unapproachable, rigid, cold that I feared…I feared that my father would be sacked and Livia and I would lose our home. We had nowhere else to go. If we returned to England, a home with my grandfather would only be temporary. He had made that clear after my husband died. He was willing to allow me and Livia to live with him while Peter was off at war, but when he was killed, I became my father’s responsibility and no longer his. That is the reason I returned here, and I wanted to be with my parents. If he allowed us, my father, William, Livia, and myself to return to his home, it would again be temporary. Then what would we do? At my father’s age, he was likely not to find another position. William had little experience, and my skills are for a position that is only allowed for the employment of men.”
He pulled back at her impassioned speech. He had not expected her to so vehemently defend her reasons.
“Remember when I told you that the reasons your servants avoided you was because they did not know what to expect? I reminded you that you had never needed to worry where your next meal may come from or where you might live so you couldn’t understand their concerns or fear of being sacked. I was not only speaking about them but myself as well. Not just for myself, but Livia.”
He remembered. He had been taken aback at her rebuke of his privilege.
Her eyes watered and Caroline turned away from him and wiped the tears away.
“Perhaps that is true when we first met, and I can understand your reluctance to confide in me, but we grew closer and you still said nothing.”
