“By then I feared you would be even angrier at not having been told right away and I was correct.”
“You should have told me,” he ground out.
“Yes, I should have and in retrospect, wish I would have, but the longer I avoided telling you, the more difficult it became. I was afraid of what you would do or say and now I know and it is worse than my original fears.” Tears filled her eyes and she did not try to hide them any longer. “I was desperate to protect my father, our place at Wyndview Farm. If he lost the position or if you did not accept William, we would be destitute. I needed to protect my daughter.” She practically yelled.
He turned away and strolled to the window looking out as he sipped his brandy.
He did understand, but had she ever truly cared about him, or had she done what she felt necessary to protect her family. Was that whyshe became his lover?
While he was falling in love with her, she may have only been trying to keep him happy until he was gone.
Sterling’s heart clenched, the pain nearly agonizing, and perhaps now he understood why some of his colleagues swore off love.
*
Caroline was notcertain what to expect from him next and as much as she wanted to ask him to leave, she couldn’t. Not when what became of her family was still held in the balance.
“Was it all pretend?” he asked quietly then turned to face her. “Was any of it real or were you just afraid of being caught?”
“It was all real and I cherished the time that we spent together.”
“Yet you continued to lie even after we became close.”
“I did not lie. I simply did not tell you.”
“A deception all the same.” He shook his head. “I had fallen in love with you, did you know that?”
Caroline gasped and stepped back. Her heart started pounding.
She never dreamed that he would care so deeply for her. She had simply assumed she had been the only one to fall in love.
“I was going to ask you to marry me and take you back to England. You and Livia.”
Oh God, what had she done? If only…She closed her eyes. It was too late for second-guessing decisions already made that had altered her future.
“Except, I am not certain if I fell in love with you are just the image you presented of yourself.”
“It was one secret,” she whispered “One.”
“Yet, it is my trust that has been lost and I am not certain it can be regained.” He drained the brandy from his glass.
No matter what she said he would not believe her. Her deceptionhad destroyed everything, but she had to be honest, even if she had not been until today.
“I did fall in love with you, Sterling. I was never going to tell you because I never dreamed you would feel the same. I accepted that I was your temporary lover while you were here. You never once let on that you cared beyond what we shared,” she reminded him. “I knew that I would be forced continue on, just as I had to do after my husband was killed because Livia is the only person that I truly have. I did what was necessary to protect her and I would do the same again.”
“If you loved me as much as you say, you would not have deceived me.”
“Then maybe you never truly knew me.”
“How could I have when you had not been honest?”
Her heart ached, but he was correct. She had been deceptive and it was her fault that she lost him. Maybe she had never really had him. He may claim love but he could not begin to understand her position—that she had to protect family—protect Livia and she could only do that by providing a safe home.
Caroline also could not accept that he loved her. He would not have flung accusations at her without first attempting to understand. Instead, he had turned cold, a heart of stone.
“I wish you a safe journey, Lord Wyndham. My family and I will await your decision as to what becomes of us.”
“Very well.” He offered a swift nod then turned and left her home.
