He may not know her well, but Sterling was convinced that there was nothing silly about Caroline and likely never had been.
“I am not used to this either,” he offered. “There were no balls on the ships, and few entertainments during my travels.” Except, there had been dinners and soirees, but he made excuses to leave each early because he was more intent on his purpose of continuing lucrative trade for Trade Wynd, not forming distant friendships or gaining temporary lovers.
Sterling was not bothered that he had not taken more opportunities to enjoy himself either but was disturbed by her words because they awoke something deep within him. He envied his friends who married well. Not only a woman they loved but also someone who was a friend and companion. He had hoped for the same, but as the years passed and when he had not met a woman who could be all those things, Sterling had accepted that his would simply be a marriage of common values, respect, and of similar ranks for the purpose of an heir and a spare. In fact, it is what he preferred because then he would not have to suffer through emotional upheaval.
How much of that had been a lie to himself so that he would be more accepting when he did enter a loveless marriage?
Not even the excuse that he didn’t want to go through what his father experienced held any weight. He had witnessed that marriage from when he was a child, and how happy both had been. The changes only occurred when they were forced to give up their life at Wyndview Farm. His mother hadn’t been the only one who would have preferred to remain at Wyndview Farm. His father had been happy here too, but duty had required him to return to England, and each day that passed after he took of the mantal of the earldom and running Trade Wynd a little more of his humor and happiness faded until it was gone completely.
Sterling glanced through the glass doors leading to the ballroom and at his mother. She was laughing with whomever she was speaking, happier than she had ever been in England.
He had judged her too harshly and he understood so much more now, not that he had discussed the matter further with her, but she also wasn’t aware that Father ignored her letters and Sterling wasn’t certain if he should even tell her.
Maybe, but she had also not returned to her children.
Except, she hadn’t believed she was wanted any longer.
Sterling shook the thoughts away. It no longer mattered becausethe past could not be changed, and maybe he should try to better understand.
At least Caroline had been able to enjoy love and companionship for three months. More than he ever expected to have.
Blast! Now he was as maudlin as she had appeared at the end of their waltz.
But it also forced him to reevaluate the type of wife he would seek once he returned to England. Maybe she wasn’t in a ballroom but in Southampton. He had failed to attend entertainments there because he made excuses for being too busy. That would need to change and he might just find the perfect wife for him at a local assembly, dinner in the home of a friend, or even in church, if he bothered to attend.
*
Caroline could notbelieve that she confessed her sadness to Wyndham. Those were private concerns and should not have been shared with a gentleman who was barely an acquaintance. Had she not been tired, or perhaps in a melancholy state, she likely would have pretended all was well.
“Tell me of your travels,” she said to move away from their depressive discussion. “Where all have you gone since leaving England?”
He chuckled but then began to tell her of being in France, Italy, Greece, Portugal, and Spain. Caroline sighed with envy as she would have loved to have visited each of those places but it was not her lot in life. Therefore, she lived vicariously through his descriptions of all that he had seen and done in less than a year. More than she would in her lifetime.
Her wine was long gone, and she had cooled from being away from the ball, but Caroline kept asking questions, which he readily answered.
He even laughed when he described mishaps or when they weremisdirected and at other times his blue eyes darkened with descriptions of the ruins in Greece and cathedrals in Italy. Caroline could almost see them herself.
Wyndham was not at all like the gentleman she judged him to be when they had first met. In fact, she liked this version very much. He was charming and witty, and painted pictures with his words.
“I have been looking everywhere for you two.”
At Lady Wyndham’s announcement they both straightened as if they’d just been caught misbehaving when all they had been doing was having a conversation.
“It was only when I heard whispers that the two of you had disappeared out here over an hour ago and not returned that I became alarmed.”
An hour! Caroline could not believe they had been absent that length of time. Had this happened in London she would have been ruined or, at the very least, gossiped about. Thank goodness she did not make a habit of visiting the residents in Cape Colony and remained at Wyndview Farm.
“How can you ever meet someone worthy of courting you, Caroline, if you are out here with my son?”
Caroline blinked at her.Thatwas the reason Lady Wyndham insisted that she attend! Had that been her plan when she first began asking Caroline to attend balls with her?
“And you, Sterling!” his mother scolded. “There are English misses and ladies inside who would like to make your acquaintance and possibly dance with you. They will not always live here and many want to return to England. And, as I said earlier, it is time you found a bride.”
Caroline slid a look to the Earl of Wyndham to note that any humor or even happiness that he had just a few moments ago was gone and replaced with a firm set of his mouth and narrowing of his eyes—no different from the gentleman she had first met.
“I had hoped that you were above matchmaking, Mother, but hear me now, there is not one woman inside that I wish to come to know better.”
“You have not even met everyone,” she argued.
