My stomach drops to the hardwood floors. Every bit of enthusiasm is extinguished as quickly as someone snuffing out a flame.
Vines wrap around my feet again, holding me a few feet away as I watch her kiss her family in slow motion. I hear the hinges of the back door, and I feel the shift in the air as Auggie walks past me toward her. I faintly register the regret in her voice as she tells Penelope she has to leave early.
But I see it all as a distant bystander.
My clothes are constricting. My skin is too tight. My chest is caving in on itself.
And all I can think is,she’s leaving.
Like my father did. Like my mother did. Like my grandmother did. Like I did.
She’s leaving, and who the fuck am I to stop her? This is Lena. My independent, bright Lena, who deserves to write whatever story she wants for herself.
I can’t stop her. Stifle her. Keep her for myself. I’m not worth it.
“Can you hold Noah for me?”
Zara’s voice breaks through the white noise in my brain, and I reach out for him without thinking. His small frame settles in my hands, and I pull his back to my chest, soaking up a bit of his warmth into my bones.
Lena hugs Zara beside me, their whispered goodbyes filtering into my ears, but I can’t make it out because my brain seems to be stuck on two words.
She’s leaving.
When she pulls away from Zara and stands in front of me, her wild curls framing her pink cheeks, I swallow hard. I force my brain to dig through the quicksand it’s sinking into and make words.
“It’s your tia Lena,” I hear myself say to Noah in a low tone. “She’s going to help you get in trouble one day.” Lena’s lips quiver as she reaches for Noah’s little fist. “She’s beautiful, isn’t she?”
The words hit her with a small flinch of her brows, but she takes a step closer.
Everyone else fades away, a low murmur of voices in the background, until all I can see is Lena.
“I need to go home,” she whispers, her chin wobbling.
Disappointment floods my veins like a tsunami, making my legs unsteady.
“When are you moving?” she asks, her voice much sturdier than I want.
I hear myself mumble, “I’m staying in Juniper for a while to iron things out with the downtown plans. But I officially move in a few weeks.”
“That’s good.” She shrugs, and for fuck’s sake, I adore everyone here, but I desperately wish we were alone. Without the entire family watching this tense moment play out when I don’t even know what I’m saying.
There’s a small rattle in my chest as I inhale. “Can I walk you out?”
She nods, and Zara grabs Noah from my arms. Protection from the cold seems trivial at this point since my entire body is already frozen, all the way down to my heart. So I skip the jacket, grab her bag, and bring it outside.
The car beeps as she hits the button to open the trunk, and I place her suitcase inside. Silently, she waits for me to close the hatch, and then I follow her to the driver’s-side door.
“You need new tires as soon as possible.” My gruff words grate on my own ears, but I can’t apologize for them. If something happened to her, I would never forgive myself.
Goddamn it. Why didn’t I take them to get fixed the first day I noticed?
“I’ll be careful. Promise. I’m stopping for gas in Juniper, then I’ll be in Wilhelmina before I get too tired.”
I nod slowly as we both stand before each other with no idea what to say. I have a million things Ishouldsay, but none of them leave my throat.
She shuffles on her feet. I swallow. She shrugs.
It’s all painfully awkward for two people who were moaning each other’s names last night, but I guess I have to get used to that.
