‘They’re here!’ she called but got no answer from anyone else in the house.
She dried her hands and went to the door, waiting as Georgia got baby William from the car. Emilia came striding towards the house, content to leave her to it. Zoe would have made far more fuss trying to help, but she wasn’t sure that was a good thing. Emilia gave the impression she wasn’t interested, but she cared – Zoe knew this because she’d gone to such lengths to make sure Georgia was looked after when she and Brett had first arrived in Thimblebury. What she was doing was trusting Georgia to do things by herself and making sure she did because Georgia wouldn’t always have help. Billie had been saying as much to Zoe, that she needed to figure out how to care for Louisa by herself because sometimes she’d only have herself to rely on, but Zoe had found it hard to step back. The worries about Billie’s mental health hardly helped, but Zoe had been forced to ask herself more than once whether her interference was in fact making that worse too.
Then the house seemed to go from dusty silence to everything at once. From the living room, Grizzle started to bark, Alex was trying to shout over the noise to make him stop, andthen William started to cry as Georgia carried him in, and from somewhere upstairs suddenly Louisa was wailing too.
‘Well, there’s a welcome,’ Emilia said drily as she stopped to take her boots off at the door.
Georgia didn’t seem too concerned about the noise William was making. She started to swing the car seat a little, shushing him gently, but stopped long enough to greet Zoe with a kiss on the cheek. Her skin was soft, her eyes bright and her hair shiny, and she looked better than Zoe had ever recalled her looking.
‘Wow,’ Zoe said. ‘Motherhood seems to be suiting you. Not that I would have said so, but could you at least have the decency to arrive looking as if you’ve only had two hours’ sleep? You’ll give people the impression having a newborn is easy.’
‘Not so newborn anymore,’ Georgia said. ‘He’s pretty much sleeping through now, and Brett’s doing this new online tour booking job where he has to be available through the early hours, so as he’s awake anyway, he takes the first morning feed and lets me sleep in. But thanks for the compliment – I’ll happily take it.’
‘Well, you look gorgeous. It’ll be encouraging for Billie to see,’ she added, lowering her voice, even though she now knew Billie was upstairs out of earshot. ‘I think she’s feeling a bit dowdy.’
‘Poor thing,’ Georgia said. ‘Doesn’t seem all that long ago for me – the four-times-a-night feeding and feeling exhausted all the time.’
‘It isn’t,’ Emilia said. ‘He’s not even three months old yet.’
‘I think what she’s trying to say is it’s amazing how quickly it gets easier,’ Zoe said.
‘Not necessarily easier,’ Georgia replied, ‘but you find what works and that makes things go more smoothly so you have a minute to devote to a bit of self-care. Where’s Billie? I’m dying to see Louisa.’
‘I’ll get her.’ Zoe waved a vague hand at the table. ‘Take a seat. Alex is about to take Grizzle on a long and hopefully very tiring walk, so when he’s gone, we’ll be able to get comfy in the living room.’
Zoe hurried up to Billie’s room and knocked softly on the door. By now, she’d managed to quieten Louisa.
‘Yeah?’ Billie’s voice was heavy.
‘It’s me,’ Zoe said. ‘Just wanted to let you know Emilia and Georgia are here.’
‘Oh, right. I’m feeding at the moment.’
‘Can I come in? It’s a pain talking through the door.’
‘Dad’s not with you?’
‘No, he’s with Grizzle, about to take him for a walk.’
‘Right…’
Zoe pushed open the door. Billie was on the bed, propped up against a bank of pillows, with Louisa at her breast. She looked as if she hadn’t brushed her hair since that morning. It certainly hadn’t been washed – that much was obvious. Her eyes were circled by dark shadows, and her skin looked grey and dull. Zoe would have said it was exhaustion, and that perhaps Louisa was demanding so much care that Billie simply hadn’t had time to step into the shower. But though that was partly true, Billie wasn’t short of help.
Alex would have been more than happy to take Louisa for an hour while she took care of herself – in fact, he was desperate to – but she wouldn’t let him. She’d been able to release her to Zoe for half an hour here and there after the birth, but even then she’d hovered most of the time, watching hawkishly over everything that Zoe did – and not, Zoe suspected, to learn from it but because she was scared. A week or so on, she’d stopped handing Louisa to Zoe too. Now she’d barely let anyone near her. Zoe couldn’t help but wonder if it was something to do with the losses she’d been forced to endure over the previous fewyears – first her mum and then Louisa’s dad, Luis. Perhaps there was some deep-seated fear she couldn’t shake that something would happen to take Louisa from her too, that she always had to be there, watching over her, to keep her safe. It was an understandable instinct, but Billie seemed to be taking it to an unhealthy level.
‘No rush,’ Zoe said. ‘But when you’re ready to come down, we’ll likely be in the living room. Georgia’s excited to see Louisa. And you should see how William has grown!’
‘Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute,’ Billie replied, barely taking her eyes off Louisa as she did.
Zoe hesitated but then closed the door and left her to it.
‘Everything all right?’ Emilia asked as Zoe arrived back in the kitchen.
‘Oh, yes. She’s just feeding Louisa, so she’ll come down when she’s done.’
‘How’s she doing with that?’ Georgia asked. ‘It takes some patience.’
‘I don’t think she minds,’ Zoe said. ‘I think she quite likes the excuse to sit with her for a while.’
