“If I can.” Newt wanted to change the subject. “Like something to eat? Can you manage some chips? We could sit in the car.”
“Eat chips in a DB12? Fuck… Are you crazy? … We can sit on a bench.”
River came back and held out his hand. “Three pieces. Two green and one white. It’s addictive.”
“Now I want to find some.” Newt pushed to his feet. “Five minutes and we’ll go and get chips.”
Five minutes for him to pull himself together. He hadn’t thought that he’d want to forgive Phelan. He’d sort of said it because he wanted to make Phelan feel better. But as the words had come from his mouth, something had untwisted inside him, and part of him that was broken felt a little less broken. Forgiveness meant such a lot to Phelan and it would take so little from Newt, so why not forgive? What was the point hanging onto bitterness and resentment. That wasn’t going to fix anything.
Phelan cared, but the others didn’t. He didn’t want to forgive his parents or Sean, but Phelan…?
I forgive him. I forgive him. Oh God, I do forgive him.
Newt made sure he’d done crying before he walkedback. He’d found several pieces of sea glass. Two of the white pieces had little indents that made them look like hearts. He’d put those in his pocket.
“Any luck?” River asked.
Newt showed him the rest of what he’d gathered.
“They’re like little jewels,” Phelan said.
“Treasure made by the sea.” Newt smiled. “Ready for chips?”
It took both of them to heave Phelan to his feet, but that was more to do with him being unsteady on the shingle. When Phelan began to stumble as they headed back up the beach, Newt stopped.
“Let me carry you. You can get on my back.”
That Phelan didn’t protest showed Newt how tired he was. He bent in front of his brother and River helped Phelan to climb on. He weighed nothing.
“I love you,” Phelan whispered in his ear. “I know you must hate me. But please let me love you.”
“I could never hate you.”
“I can’t believe you forgive me.”
“Believe it. I do. There’s no point staying angry about something I can’t change. I was upset and hurt but I see no benefit in staying that way.”
“I tried to speak out when the man had the heart attack and died. But the lawyer said…we’d all end up in prison for perjury… And Lily was still pregnant at that point. But it was a terrible thing to do and I’ve not found happiness since… And it’s too late now.”
“It’s not too late,” Newt said. “I’m here with you.”
He could feel and hear Phelan crying.
Newt bent to let his brother down when they’d reached the promenade. River steadied him and they helped him overto a shelter with a bench seat.
“This is a good day, right?” Newt asked.
Phelan nodded. “You have no idea.” Tears filled his eyes.
Newt wasn’t sure he could cope with more tears without breaking down again himself. He pushed to his feet. “I’ll go and get lunch. You two sit here. What would you like?”
“Fish and chips, please,” River said.
“Just a few chips for me… Maybe I can just share some of yours… I’m not eating much now.”
“Salt and vinegar?”
“Yes,” they both said.
