Newt checked for the nearest chippie on his phone and set off.
Hehadhated Phelan for a while. Sometimes, when he was on his own in his cell, he’d find himself thinking of what his family might be doing. At Christmas. On birthdays. Holidays. Parties. It wasn’t that they’d been happy times for him but he still missed parts of his former life. He’d wondered if any of his family had thought about him—especially on Christmas morning or when it was his birthday. He knew Phelan had because he’d kept getting cards and letters. Too late to wonder if he’d been right to send them back unopened. Now Phelan was dying and Newt was sad it had come to this.
When he got back with the food and cans of pop, River and Phelan were talking about cars.Ugh.
Phelan saw his face and chuckled. “Newt really doesn’t like cars.”
“Even my DB12!” River put on a horrified expression.
“Well…” Newt smiled.
He handed out the trays of food and sat on the other side of Phelan. Everyone was quiet while they ate. Phelan managedseveral of Newt’s chips and a little bit of the fish.
“Not much can beat eating fish and chips when you’re looking out to sea on a cold day,” Newt said.
“It’s perfect,” Phelan said. “Thank you. The best day…for a long time.”
Newt suddenly found it hard to swallow. This was the last time Phelan would do this and his brother knew that. It was easy to take life for granted. But everyone woke in the morning not knowing if it would be their last day though most didn’t think about that.
Phelan probably did. Newt felt as if a door was closing in front of him. A different door to the one closing in front of Phelan but Newt would lose the only member of his family that he’d loved. He’d tried to shut them out of his life but Phelan had always been there, stayed there. Despite everything, Phelan was still his brother.
As if Phelan understood what was going through his mind, probably because Newt had stopped eating, he put his hand on Newt’s knee. “I know you don’t want me to keep saying I’m sorry… I can’t make this right… But I have done what I can. Someone will call you, after I… Hmm… After. Please give your number to the hospice… And take the call. I’m at peace with what’s happening… now I’ve seen you. Thank you for coming…Thank you for this. I’m glad you’re happy.”
Newt’s throat was full. “Did you want to go into the hospice?”
“What do you think?”
“Oh God.” His fucking family.
“I’d rather have people around who are paid to care for me…than family who don’t want to. The staff are lovely… Can I call you?” He offered his phone to Newt.
Newt put Phelan’s number into his phone and called him. “Now you have mine.”
Newt held himself together while they took Phelan back to his room. They both shed tears as they said goodbye because they knew that was the last time they’d see each other. Newt put one of the heart-shaped pieces of glass in Phelan’s hand and closed his fingers around it.
Phelan opened his hand, looked at it and smiled. “They won’t let me keep it. Bring it to my funeral.”
Newt took it back. “I do forgive you. I want you to believe me.”
Phelan groaned. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I know you sent all my letters back but I wanted you to know I’d never forget you. Please be happy. Have the best life you can. Hold tight to those you love. Don’t give up on them.”
Newt nodded. He knew what Phelan was telling him, but hanging onto River might not be possible.
On their way out, they paused at the desk to give them Newt’s number.
Once they were sitting in the car, Newt folded his arms against the wheel, leaned his head on them and fell apart.
Sixteen
On the way home, they did everythingbuttalk about Newt’s family. River wanted to talk about his, but this definitely wasn’t the right moment. Newt came up with more word games. River had to name as many items in a category as he could—fruit, vegetables, animals, film titles. Then Newt had given him a word and asked him to explain what it meant. Harder than it sounded for someone without full language skills. But when Newt threw in words like watersports, sounding, docking, dogging… Then, it was fun. Considering what they’d spent much of the day doing, River was relieved Newt could still laugh.
They swam in the pool when they got back River didn’t manage many lengths but Newt kept going and going. Finally, River made him get out by telling him he was hungry. He had a feeling Newt wouldn’t have stopped. River didn’t know how to help him. If Newt wanted to talk, he’d listen, but he didn’t want to push him.
“Feel better?” River asked when they started to make dinner.
