He surprised himself with how easy that felt. As did the idea of house-hunting with Newt, choosing somewhere together. Discussing paint colours. Furniture. Flooring. Not just easy… Fun. Exciting.
Oh.
Oh God.
His heart slammed against his ribs. Was this…love? This lightness, this breathless joy at the thought of a future with Newt? Was it too soon? Too fast? Did Newt feel the same? The questions barely registered. River knew what he felt. He knew what he wanted. Newt in his life, now and always.
River tugged him into the bedroom and flicked the switch for the bedside lamps. Newt leaned back to close the door and River stepped straight into his arms. He buried his face in Newt’s neck, holding on as if letting go might undo them both.
I don’t want to lose you. Ever. Oh God, my heart.
For the longest time, all they did was just hold each other. Then River’s mind began to betray him, thinking about what might have happened, how everything could have turned out so differently. Eachwhat iftightened something painful in his chest. It physically hurt that they’d both been so close to the edge of disaster. Newt had saved him, time after time.
River leaned back just enough to look at him.Mine.He smiled and Newt smiled back, something tender and sad flickering across his face, though his eyes were bright. River found himself blinded by desire, only to be instantly tangled with fear. They could have lost each other. Barney might have killed them both. River’s heart turned wild now, an untamed creature pounding and clawing in his chest, as he tried to force the words out.Now! Say them now!
Their fingers laced together tightly.
“Stop it,” Newt whispered.
“Stop what?”
“Stop thinking—what if.” His thumbs brushed River’s knuckles. We’re here. We’re okay.”
“More than okay.”
Newt nodded. “More than okay.”
Still holding hands, they drifted closer, sharing air, sharing space, until there was nowhere left to go and their mouths met.Thiswas what River ached for. They kissed until River was breathless, until the world narrowed to the warmth of Newt’s mouth and the steady, living proof that they were still here.
“You make me forget…I need ox…oxygen…every now and again,” River panted. “How come you don’t?”
“I breathe through my ears.”
River laughed.
“Are hearts supposed to beat this fast?” Newt brought their joined hands up between them.
He could feel Newt’s heart hammering under his palm and turned Newt’s hand so he could feel his. “Clearly…yes.”
Newt let go of River’s hands and brought his fingers to his face, stroking his cheeks with his thumbs. “I’m so lucky.”
River kept his face straight. “Yes.”
Newt groaned and River inhaled the sound, pulled it into his body, felt it settle inside him, warming and reassuring.
They kissed again, Newt’s fingers twisting in River’s hair, while River’s fingers unsuccessfully tried to find a way into Newt’s trousers. They rocked against each other, pressing themselves together.
“Too many clothes,” they said in unison and chuckled.
They couldn’t stop kissing, even to strip. It turned into a game, each trying to get the clothes off the other and they fell on the bed laughing, still half-dressed. Finally, they were naked and lay on their sides facing each other. Newt touched the dressing at the side of River’s body and winced.
“Now you’re what-iffing,” River said. “I’m fine.”
“I pressed a tea towel onto your side to try and stop the bleeding.”
“Which one?”
Newt frowned. “The one with a puffin on it.”
