“Oh Phelan.” River sighed.
“I’d like to say I don’t care about money, except that would be a lie. But I do care about you.”
“Feeling guilty that bullet hit me?”
“Forever.”
Newt knew River had been joking, but he wasn’t. River could have died.
“Now tell me how you came to be outed. Judging by the phone call I had from Max, I bet he hit the roof. Who went to the press? I would never do that. It wasn’t Barney, unless he did it a while ago. Maybe Jorge? I mean, he was pissed off with me and you. Though I suppose Max had him sign anNDA too. What did Dila say? Well, I saw online she said she didn’t know. Is she all right?”
“I called her. I asked—will you be upset if we finish?”
“Oh my God.” Newt clutched the wheel more tightly. “You outed yourself? Does Max know?”
“He’ll find out. I don’t care. It’s past time. J…Jonathan Bailey was voted sexiest man alive. First gay man. I’m pissed off I missed out on that.”
Newt chuckled.
“Max would never have said yes. It never…ma…ttered so much to me as it does now. Not until you.”
“Oh God, River. Maybe we shouldn’t have had this discussion while I’m driving.”
“Couldn’t wait until we got back.”
“What about the film in the autumn? Is that at risk?”
“If Misha doesn’t want me because I’m gay…that’s not going to look good for him. But if he doesn’t…then I’ll find something else. I’m out and staying out. I want you at my side. I want you to be my boyfriend. And I want to tell the world.”
Twenty-Two
It rained most of the way back from the funeral. After the earlier flood of chatter, Newt had gone quiet and River stayed silent. Rain always made River feel as if the sky was dissolving and blunting the edges of the world, like a watercolour painting running off a canvas. He sighed. Maybe he ought to get out those art materials Harry had sent and he and Newt could paint together.Us in the buff?
But today that thought didn’t even make him smile. Rain suited their mood. River wanted the day washed away. He was proud of Newt for standing up and speaking about his brother in such a positive way. He couldn’t have done that at his father’s funeral, even if he’d gone. He had no idea whether anyone had attended. The sad thing was that hedidhave happy memories of his father, but they’d been tainted by what he’d done. He knew Newt was correct about him not being in his right mind, but River was a long way from forgiving him.
River hadn’t spoken at the funeral of his mother and sisters. He’d been crying too much. He wished he’d been able to say something. Instead, his words had come when he’d scattered their ashes off a cliff into the sea, letting his love fly away with them. Max had been at his side.
Newt pulled the car into the garage but didn’t move after the door had rolled down.
“Newt?” River asked cautiously.
“Do we have any rubber gloves?”
What?“Sounds a bit f…freaky.”
“The blood.” Newt’s voice was quiet.
Oh shit.“Sorry. No. Max paid a c…cleaning team after police had done.”
Newt exhaled. “Right. Are you hungry?”
Not now I’ve thought of that.“I should be but I’m not.”
“I’m the same.”
River took hold of his hand. “Let’s go to bed. It’s been a long, hard day.”
They kicked off their shoes in the boot room, hung up their coats and held hands all the way up the stairs. River had felt Newt’s grip tighten as they walked past the kitchen. Newt didn’t look in, but River felt it anyway—the hesitation, the memory lodged there like a splinter. There was nothing to see, but if that room was going to haunt Newt, River would sell the house without a second thought.
