Fergus purses his lips the way he does when he wants to say something I probably won’t like.
“What?”
“If he loved you so much, then why did he let you go?”
Because everyone does.
Faces flash before my eyes. Men I knew for a night, a few weeks, a handful of months. Men who left me, men I rejected because I knew deep down they weren’titfor me.But Lyall is—was. I have no idea if we can be what we once were. It’s too overwhelming. Maybe nothing will happen between us. Maybe my heart will just end up broken all over again.
“I don’t know, Gramps. Okay? But I’m going to find out. Lyall’s offered to help me remember.”
“You can’t!” he hisses, gripping onto my arm hard. “Soren, he could be trying to trick you. And what’s more, you do not have the TTA’s permission to travel. There are rules that must be obeyed!”
“Lyall’s willing to break the rules for me. He’s been looking for me all these years. I trust him, and I need to know why.”
Fergus heaves a sigh, and I hate that I’m worrying him like this.
“I’ll come back,” I say, needing him to know. “I promise, Gramps. You’re my family. You know that, right?”
A watery sheen mists Fergus’s eyes, making a lump rise in my own throat. “Be careful, my boy. Please.”
Leaning over, I pull him into a hug. “I will.”
No matter what I learn in the past, I’ll aways have a home here in the present with Fergus.
“So, how does this time travel stuff work exactly?”
Lyall doesn’t answer my question right away, too busy chewing a big mouthful of the blueberry muffin I brought back from the cafe. His eyes roll back, and he moans low in his throat. I wonder what else could make him moan like that?
No. Bad. We’re not doing relationships, remember?
But that doesn’t mean I have to be celibate, does it? Maybe we could just have one night together, or—
No, Lyall feels… something for me. I can’t lead him on like that. I guess I have no other option but to pine after him then. To imagine what his hair might feel like between my fingers, his body drawn taut with pleasure beneath mine like in my dreams…
“—and we’re there. Simple. Soren?”
I blink away the images of Lyall and clear my throat. “Sorry?” Shit. My voice sounds as if I just gargled with gravel.
An indulgent smile spreads over Lyall’s face. His nostrils flare as he leans forward, the table between us the only thing stopping him from being within kissing distance. “I said…” His voice is low and husky, like a caress right over my dick. “I must take you… to a body of water.” Shit. He’s teasing me. Has to be. “There I will open a portal that will take us wherever I will it.”
Keep your eyes on his face. Don’t look at his lips.His eyes are up here.
My throat convulses around a swallow. “Oh. Okay. Sounds good.” His knees brush mine beneath the table.
“You aren’t nervous?”
His question drains my arousal, making me more aware of the nerves churning in my stomach. “A little.”
“Fear not.” His hand slides across the table and squeezes mine. “I’ll protect you.”
My face flushes. “I can protect myself.”
“I know.” Melancholy clouds his eyes. “You were always strong and capable. It never stopped me from worrying after you.” The tenderness in his voice makes my breath catch. Nobody’s spoken about me in this way. I haven’t done anything to deserve it. The man Lyall knew and the man I am now aren’t the same person. Once Lyall realizes that, will he be disappointed?
Probably. Another reason I can’t let myself get attached to him. I’ll never be the same person he speaks about with such reverence.
I pull my hand away and try not to notice the hurt that flashes across Lyall’s face.
