"I didn't bully you, Saige. And I'm not like Dax and Elias—people don't notice me when I go places, and if they do, they don't try to talk to me. Not without them around."
They think I'm creepy—creepy enough that when someone started a rumor that I plucked a bird out of the sky at a skate park and bit its head off, people believed it.
Dax said Saige called me creepy, too.
"All right, fine," she says.
But she pulls out her sunglasses and puts them on, even though it's dark and rainy this morning, and then pulls her hood over her head, tying the string tightly at her chin.
"Well, that looks natural. Won't draw any attention at all, I'm sure."
I regret my word choice when I watch her physically struggle not to say something about how I don't exactly look natural, either. I think it bothers me more that she doesn't say it than that she thinks it because that means she doesn't feel comfortable joking around with me, even when I'm the one who started it. No one does—except for Dax. Even Elias can be uncomfortable around me and treats me like a victim at times.
I know I look weird.
Thank fuck it'll be cold again soon. Maybe after I graduate, I'll move to Yukon. I'm sure they need more doctors there, and Avery will be old enough to take care of herself by the time I finish med school; she won't need me anymore. If I'm going to end up alone anyway, why not?
Instead of saying what she wants, she says, "Well, it can't be worse than what they already say about me." Then she shrugs, grabs her backpack, and opens the passenger side door.
Sighing, I do the same, walking at her side into a small local bakery that allows dogs on the covered patio, which is why I picked it—I thought she'd like that.
She ties Arcadia's leash to the fence, patting her head a few times before we go inside and get in line. People stare, as anticipated, but Saige doesn't seem fazed.
"You know, you still look pretty hot like that."
She scoffs, shaking her head and looking down at her feet. "Yeah, right."
It hurts a little. I'm a guy who can't show affection; I'm not good with words or expressing myself, I have an aversion to physical touch, and secrets I can't talk about—the kind I medicate and do my best to stuff into a corner, but I still have to be prepared for them to pop back up at anytime and send me into a spiral.
And she's a girl who can't even take a compliment. What a match.
I guess I understand that, though. I know that when people tell you that you're something over and over again, eventually, you can't help but believe them. But I'll never be able to tell her that I understand orwhyI understand. I don't even know why I'm worrying about it—she's already getting that look. The one that says,maybe this was fun for a while, but you're not enough for me. And I can't blame her, even if her sad brown eyes feel like home.
Home was always sad for me, too.
We get to the front of the line, order, and then grab our coffees and wait at our booth for our bagels.
"Take off your sunglasses," I tell her.
She takes a drink of her coffee and then shakes her head. "No way."
I sigh and then pull my hood up over my head, too, just to give my hands something to do for a minute. I hate that I have nothing fucking meaningful to say or that I can't just fucking talk to anyone the way Dax can.
I hate that it's raining in that extra-humid, misty way, that I'm already overheating and my fucking glasses are fogging up. I take them off and clean the lenses with my sweatshirt. "I'm going to go see if our food is ready."
"Okay," she says, petting Arcadia's head while staring at her phone.
What's she looking at, anyway? She barely posts on social media.
A normal person might just ask, but I don't.
When I get inside, our bagels aren't quite done, but I decide to wait. A couple of minutes later, my order number is called, and someone sets them on the counter.
I grab both and head back outside, sliding back into the booth. The first bag I open has a jalapeño and cheese bagel inside, and I slide it across the table to Saige.
"Thanks."
"Didn't get enough jalapeños on your pizza last night?"
