"You're coming to her dance recital, right?"
"Yeah, of course."
"All right. I'd hug you, but I know you hate it. Good night, son. I love you, and I appreciate your help. I'm just tired."
"I know. It's okay. Good night."
She smiles at me before disappearing down the hallway, her bedroom door closing shortly after. I sink into the couch and start scrolling on my phone. I'm itching to go for a run; sitting still isn't easy for me, especially during the quiet hours of the early morning.
I hate it.
It makes the loner label I've secured even more frustrating. I hate being alone—almost as much as I hate being misunderstood. And I don't hate being hugged; it's much more complicated than that.
I notice I'm bouncing my leg and stand up, turning on the television and pacing the small space instead. Since I can't sit still anyway, I grab Arcadia's leash and take her around the block a couple of times.
When I get back, I start some coffee, tapping my foot and gripping the countertop with both hands while I wait for it to brew.
"Hey," Saige says from behind me, startling me.
She's dressed already, wearing a pair of jeans and the same hoodie she wore yesterday.
"Who's jumpy now?" she asks.
"I guess you got me back." But she's reading it wrong—I'm not jumpy, I'm relieved. So fucking relieved. It was about to get dark in here—in my head. I felt it. "Did you sleep okay?"
"Not really. I had more nightmares."
"Yeah, me too." Finally, the coffee finishes. I fill two cups and hand one to Saige. "Hey, my mom got back a little while ago. Let's go get some bagels or something, yeah?"
She shrugs. "I'm down for anything I don't have to make."
"Okay, I'll be right back."
I go to my bedroom and quickly change my clothes, splash some water on my face, take my pills, and brush my teeth before meeting her back in the living room.
"You ready?" I ask, slipping on my shoes.
"Yeah, sure."
She follows me out the door to my Jeep.
"Are you okay?" she asks as I back out of the driveway.
"Yeah," I tell her. "I just…like to start my days a certain way. My brain kind of misfires when I can't do that."
"Oh, right. It upsets your equilibrium," she says, repeating what Dax had told her.
"Yeah."
And it's definitely misfiring now. The house doesn't help, either. It was his, after all.
I chew on the inside of my cheek until we pull into the parking lot a few minutes later.
"You want to gohere?" Saige asks.
"Yeah, what's wrong with it?"
"I thought you meant back on campus," she says. "I don't like being seen out in Aurora Cove under the best of circumstances, let alone accompanied by one of the popular kids who relentlessly bullied me with my stepbrother."
