"Yeah, but…"
"But what?"
"That's kind of fucked, too, given the circumstances, isn't it?"
"No," he says. "You make me really happy. I know I make you happy, too; that's why you're so sad right now. You're making Nolan really happy at the same time, and that's never happened. Youaredifferent. You've upset my natural order, and I don't want to let you go. I like things the way they are. So, I'm going to ask you again—how do I fix it?"
I rest my head on his chest. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"I've been good to you. I haven't hurt you."
"That's not exactly true."
"You're different, Saige," he says, running his fingers through my hair. "Maybe I'm just as attached to you for the same fucked up reasons. Have you considered that?"
"No."
"I missed you so much. I was pissed when Elias wouldn't let me drive home the other night. I can't stand being apart from you." That's why he didn't come home on Thursday? Elias wouldn't let him? "I brought you coffee in class yesterday just to see you for a minute. Does that sound like something someone who doesn't care about you would do?"
"Yeah, if they're trying to trick me."
Dax laughs. "Saige, come on. I wouldn't even go to the trouble of having this fucking conversation with anyone else. If you see anyone with a familiar-looking tattoo on their body, stop them and ask them about my fucking effort levels."
"That's not funny, Dax."
"There's only one person trying to trick you in this house, and I think you know that."
What if he's right? What if it isn't both of them, and it's just Elias who's trying to confuse and manipulate me?
But that's the problem. I can't tell the difference anymore.
"Is everything okay?" Nolan asks when he comes back into the room.
"I don't know. Is everything okay, Saige?"
I sigh. "This was entrapment. You trapped me in here with him."
Nolan laughs. "I told you he isn't so bad."
"I guess you're the only one in this fucking house who has anything nice to say about me. Thanks," Dax says.
"Anytime."
"Are we good, Saige?" he asks.
"I don't know, Dax. We'll see."
But I already know the answer. He sucked me right back in; I can't think when I'm around him. I know it's my trauma brain, and I know part of it is because I don't want to think when I'm around him because it's the only time I feel safe, but maybe he's right.
Maybe it doesn't matter why. Maybe we've already gone too far down that road, and now it would hurt to stop, so I might as well keep going.
"Have you thought about what you want to do tonight?" Nolan asks.
"Not really."
"Let's go to my house," Dax says. "My parents are out of town, and I want to get away from Elias, too, or I'm going to hit him and get my ass beat. You want to go, Saige?"
"Um, Idon't—"
