"Can this wait until we're above land, please?"
"I don't know who you are anymore. I never knowwhereyou are. You don't answer your phone; when youarehome, you don't come out of your room. You had a hard time making friends at that school, and you blame me, and I know that—"
"Pfft, yeah. That's what it was—just a little bit of difficulty making friends." We finally hit the end of the bridge, and I exhale slowly, wiping sweat from my brow with a shaky hand.
"I am so sorry that I ruined your life," she says, choking on the words. "But I am trying to help you now. You get to try again. Just…make new friends. Make better ones. Try to find something that excites you again. I haven't seen you excited about anything in a really long time."
"I'm excited to get the fuck out of this car."
"You used to write poetry," she continues, ignoring my comment. "You could take a poetry class…they might even have a poetry club—"
"Mom, I don't want to write poetry. That was just…stupid kid shit; none of it mattered. Besides, the world is…callous and shallow. It doesn't deserve poetry."
"That almost sounds poetic."
I scoff before I see the tears in her eyes—that's not something I want to deal with. "Iwilltry, though. I'll try to pass my classes. I can't make any promises about the friends and, umm…definitelynotthe poetry club. But I won't do any serious crimes, and I won't flunk out."
I reach over and turn up the volume before she can reply, but I catch her small, satisfied smile in the rearview mirror.
I can't decide whether I hate it or not.
The rest of the ninety-minute drive is quiet. Campus is crowded, but we finally find a loading spot near my building and get everything into my room. To my surprise, I'm on the first floor and in a single unit. My mom explains that she and Alex thought a single would be good for me—that it would help me focus. And while I'm sure that's mostly true, I also know they're both more than aware of how difficult I am to get along with now.
With a ferry to catch, she doesn't stay long. I take her to the bus stop and then leave my car in its designated parking spot in the garage and head back to the residence hall.
There's some kind of meet and greet in the main lobby, but I don't stay for it. Generally, I'm disinterested in meeting anyone. I'm definitely not interested in greeting.
After a couple of hours of unpacking and Netflix, the pizza I ordered arrives. And on my way back to the room, another girl stops me.
"Hey," she says. "I'm Kira. And if you bring that pizza in here, I'll share my tequila with you and we can go to a glow party."
My momdidtell me to make friends—specifically, better friends than the ones I have now. This one is already proving herself generous by offering to share her tequila. That's a quality people look for in friends, right?
I shrug. "Okay."
About an hour later, the two of us are dancing in the basement of a crowded house party with a couple of plastic cups filled with warm keg beer.
It's dark, which I'm thankful for. I'm pretty sure my makeup is running down my face right now, and the pink hearts I drew on my chest with Kira's glow paint are melting down the front of my low-cut top.
I throw back the rest of my beer and then lean into Kira, shouting, "I'm going to go find a bathroom!"
She nods, taking my cup from my hand. "I'll get us more beer!"
I stand in line at a bathroom on the second story of the house for about ten minutes before finally making my way back toward the basement.
On my way down, my horny drunk self fixates on a tall, dark, and handsome half-naked man going the other direction—the paint on his upper body and on his chiseled abs glowing against brown skin under the black lights. A phone number written across his stomach, just above his waistband, catches my eye before I look up and realize who I'm eye-fucking.
It's Dax. God fucking damn it.
I almost throw up in my mouth.
I quickly look away, my heart plummeting into my stomach. He doesn't seem to notice me, thankfully, but if he's here, then there's a very good chance Elias is here, too.
I scan the basement for Kira before I hit the bottom of the staircase and spot her leaning against a support beam. She's holding both of our cups, smiling while talking to Elias, who's flanked by his quieter, creepier friend from high school, Nolan. Steeling my spine, I push my way through the crowd and grab her by the arm.
I think I'm going to be sick.
I was supposed to be a number. I should be able to get lost on this campus; I figured it would be months before I ever ran into Elias. Yet here we are on my first day, somehow in the exact same, very small space.
