At seventeen, I had everything figured out. I knew what I wanted and how my life would turn out. At nineteen, I don't really want anything, and I don't know shit, but I do knowthis—everyone will disappoint you, eventually. And someday, they'll disappoint each other, too.
In desperate need of carbs to soak up some of this alcohol, I grab a bagel from the bag on the counter, dropping it into the toaster just as Arcadia bounds down the staircase and into the kitchen.
"Who's a good girl?" I whisper, leaning down and scratching her behind her ears while she licks my face. "Whose puppy are you really? You know whose puppy you are."
"Arcadia, no." Elias struts into the kitchen with his face buried in his phone. "I've warned you about approaching other dogs, especially the dirty ones. You never know what kind of diseases they may be carrying. A shower won't help, by the way."
"No one thinks you're funny, by the way. And if they ever do laugh at you, it's because they feel bad for you."
"No one thinks you're clean."
"Hey, guys, get it?"I say, mocking his deep voice."It's an STI joke. It's so fresh. By the way, I have seventeen of them myself. Hilarious, right, bro?"
My bagel pops up, and I stand, grabbing it from the toaster. Elias's eyes run down my body—over my bare skin, my bra and then down my waist, his lip turning up in disgust. "Jesus. No one wants to see that. Are you trying to fucking blind me?"
"I think that's what they'd call a happy accident," I tell him, taking a bite of my bagel. "Go fuck yourself, Elias."
"Someone let you get mouthy in my absence," he says to my back as I walk away. "Be fucking careful, Saige. If I have to put you back in your place, you're not going to like it."
I scoff. "Please. You can't do shit to me anymore, and you know it. Don't think I don't know how much it bothers you, because I do. You know what stench follows you?Peaked in high school.Good luck washing that off."
"How's Aiden, Saige?" Elias asks as I ascend the staircase.
"Who?" I ask through a mouthful of bagel.
Elias smirks, and I shrug before continuing up the stairs and down to my room. I don't know if I was convincing enough, but I'm certainly not going to take the bait and engage.
But of course I know who Aiden is—like I said, I leave the reminder on the back of my closet door.
By the time I get out of the shower, Elias's car is gone. After I dry my hair, Alex helps my mom and I load boxes and suitcases into my car, and then the two of us leave for university.
I packed light and haphazardly; to be honest, I was drunk and I don't even know what's in half of those boxes. It'll be a fun surprise when I get there.
At first, I didn't even want to go. I'd been rejected from the other schools I applied to, and my plan was to get a job and see what happened, but after months of arguing with my mom and the school counselor, I gave in and applied to West Pine.
I was wait-listed at first. That's when I realized I reallydidwant it, even if Elias would be there, too. Luckily, my number was up last month.
After backing out of the driveway, I crank up my music and roll the windows down. My mom is quiet, but she wants to say something. We just don't do this anymore. We don't talk.
She picks the worst time to turn the music down—as I'm white-knuckling the steering wheel across the bridge to the mainland.
"Saige?"
"What?"
"Where's your head at?"
"Mostly just focusing on not flying off and into the abyss."
"That still bothers you, huh?"
"That's how phobias work, yes."
"You'll try…you'll try your best, right?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean you were an honors student in Vancouver. You barely passed enough classes to graduate from Aurora Cove. And these friends you've been hanging out with for the past year, Saige…"
