Jake makes a noise like a walled-off German Shepherd. “That everything?”
“No,” I groan. “He’s here this weekend. In Pukekohe… and he’s been texting me, asking to meet up.”
“I swear to Christ?—”
“I haven’t replied. But now Cece knows, and that’s officially it. I don’t like him. I don’t respect him. I fucked up, but believe me, I never want to talk to Tristan Taylor ever again.”
“You didn’t fuck up.Hefucked up. I’m gonna fuckin’…” He turns, stomping his way to the bathroom, then back, muttering under his breath.
I perch on the edge of the bed, my arms still wrapped around me. “Do you think he tried to hook up with me because he knew you liked me? Like, it made me more valuable to him?”
Jake stops dead. “No, baby. Don’t ever think that.”
“But—”
He kneels in front of me, takes both my hands. “Taylor’s always been a petty little bitch?—”
I look away, ashamed.
“But you’re stunning. Maybe he didn’t see it at school, but that’s on him. Although?—”
He launches back to his feet and resumes his trek from bathroom to bed. “When was this in London? How old were you?”
“Uh… Twenty-two?”
Jake curses a blue streak.
“Why does that matter?” I ask.
“Because he was with Caroline then.”
My stomach knots so tight I think I might throw up. “I know, but he told me he was single.”
“Of course he fuckin’ did.” Jake rakes a hand through his hair. “I knew he was fucking around on Caroline. He told me himself. But I never thought…God, I’m such anasshole.”
“Hey, you didn’t make Tristan cheat! It’s like you said to me: that’s on him.”
“It’s not.” Jake sits on the far side of the bed, elbows on his knees,palms pressed into his eye sockets. “I’m such a cunt. All these pricks I called my mates. All this shit that happened while I looked the other way. Nan would be so ashamed if she knew.I’mso fuckin’ ashamed.”
I crawl across the sheets and place my hands on his bare shoulders. “It’s okay, Jake. I mean, it’s not okay, but it’s not like you did anything wrong by being on friendly terms with a guy you barely see.”
“I’m a prick,” he mutters into his palms. “I’m just like all those people at the farm who knew what Thrasher was up to and didn’t say shit.”
“No.” I snap. “Cheating isn’t the same as what Thrasher’s doing at that farm. And you’d never have looked the other way over stuff like that, would you?”
“No.”
“Exactly.” I kiss his back. “It’s a fuck-up, that’s all. Just like how I never told Cece about Tristan. I never told Caroline, either. I don’t know what we owe other people in these situations, but I think it’s okay not to know how to handle things. And I don’t think you’re a bad person for being mates with Tristan.”
Jake lifts his head. “So you still wanna be with me?”
I blink, baffled. “Of course. That was the whole point of me telling you. Coming clean. Pobody’s nerfect, and all that.”
Jake doesn’t laugh. “Part of you is always gonna think I’m scum.”
“Nope,” I say firmly. “Have you already forgotten what you did tonight? Going out to the farm, risking yourself for all those workers? You’ve changed, Jake. You are changing. That’s all that matters, being willing to be better.”
The muscles in his shoulders loosen beneath my hands. He leans back against me, and I feel a quiet pride that I might be giving him some of the comfort he’s given me.
