I choke out a laugh. “Yeah, you’re probably right. But I’m still sorry for acting like a dickhead.”
Jake sighs. “You’re not a dickhead. Now about the shit with Jenny, Ada, I?—”
“I don’t want to talk about Jenny,” I say quietly. “Not forever, just not now. I don’t want her sucking up more oxygen when there’s so much going on.”
I feel Jake nod.
“As long as you know she’s not half the woman you are. Not a fraction. I’m gonna wish I hadn’t gone there for the rest of my life.”
“That’s okay,” I say, my heart sinking. “Remember when you asked if I ever regretted hooking up with anyone?”
Jake stiffens. “Yeah.”
“Well, I do.” I tumble off his chest to look him in the face. “One guy in particular. And being reminded of that today was one of the things that made me realise I was being unfair to you about Jenny, because I’m going to regret being with this person forever, and I’d hate for you to hold it against me.”
“I won’t,” Jake says at once, then frowns. “Who is he?”
I groan, knowing I’m going to tell him, that Ihaveto tell him, but wishing I could do anything else. This is almost going to be as bad as ’fessing up to Cece.
“He’s local. And a total knob. It’s really embarrassing…”
“Renaldo?” Jake’s voice is firm. “Out with it. C’mon, it can’t be worse than Jenny Wallis.”
“No one’s worse than Jenny Wallis.” I grimace. “It was… Uh… God, this is hard to get out… It was Cece’s brother. Ages ago.”
Jake doesn’t look relieved. Jake doesn’t even look angry. He looks like I just said,“Actually, it was a four-way with Thrasher, your deadbeat dad and a dude who crank-calls the parents of kidnapped children.”
“Tristan?” Jake spits. “Tristan Taylor?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I know it sucks that I did stuff with Cece’s brother, but?—”
“It’s not that,” Jake says through clenched teeth. “He’s my best mate.Wasmy best mate. Back at school. He was pretty much the only person in Pukekohe who knew how I felt about you. I told you about it, remember? He was the one who stopped me from going to New York to find you.”
My blood goes cold, but I know I don’t remember Jake saying ‘Tristan.’ I get a shiver down my spine whenever anyone does. Then it clicks. “T-bone? You call him T-bone?”
“Yeah.” Jake pushes himself out of bed and starts pacing. “When the fuck did he make a pass at you?”
“I…”
“I’m not mad at you,” he snarls. “Not even a little bit. I love you. But Taylor’s in a world of shit. When did he come after you? How?”
“He never paid attention to me when I lived here. He first started messaging me when I was at Juilliard?—”
Jake’s face twists. “That was when I couldn’t shut up about you. I was crushed you’d disappeared from school, and I told Tris everything. How much I liked you. How bad I wanted a chance. That fuckingprick.”
He slams a balled fist into his chest, and I flinch.
“Sorry,” he says. “I swear I’m not mad at you. Please just say when it actually happened?”
I fold my shaking arms across my chest. “London. He came to see my show. He said he was single, and we got drunk and ended up at his hotel.”
“Mother-fucking?—”
“But we didn’t have sex,” I say quickly, wanting to soften the blow. “He couldn’t get it up. Anyway, we barely did anything and then…”
“What?”
I wince. “He took a call from his girlfriend in the bathroom, and I realised he’d played me for a sap. I feltlike a complete idiot and left. And that was it.”
