Sal cackled. “Fuck yeah. Like dress up like a smutty vampire and bite Byron in the neck until he bleeds?”
“I was thinking more… sexy nanny?”
Sal cackled even harder, but thankfully, not as though they found the idea ridiculous. “Fuck yes. Get it!”
“I just don’t have any good ideas for clothes,” Beth blurted out. “I want to look young, but like… authentically young. Not my idea of what looks young. I know I’m old?—”
“Only in linear time! You look fucking great.” Sal made a thoughtful noise. “Hot nanny like ‘thot uni student home wreaker’? Or, like, ‘good girl uni student who’s all cute but clowns on Dad’s dick anyway’?”
Beth widened her eyes. “Oh, wow, that’s a smart question…”
“There are no bad questions. Personally—and I don’t wanna be a total freak—but I think you want the good girl thing. It goes way better with your face and Byron’s uptight vibes.”
Beth had a vision of Byron in bed, looking at her all sexy-stern when she brought him the unexpected coffee. “True. We definitely want good girl. So, what does that look like?”
“Cold-weather Bimbo, Dark Academia meets Christian-Girl-Autumn look.”
Beth frowned. Each of those words made individual sense, but together, not so much. “Can that be boiled down to actual items of clothing?”
“Long socks and oxfords,” Sal said promptly, “A little pleated skirt and a shirt with a sweater vest. Or a cashmere flare dress with a belt and ankle boots. Or a black turtleneck with a blazer and those cute chunky platform sneaks. Or?—”
“I’m getting overwhelmed here, Sal. Do you have pictures?”
“I don’t, but I will,” Sal said, their voice growing distant as though they were already searching for things. “I’ll make a pinboard of ideas. Layers. Plaid. Bimbofication. Hair accessories. Make-up. Underwear, oh my God,underwear!”
“You don’t have to do too much,” Beth rushed, feeling guilty. “It’s just one look.”
“One look can last a lifetime,” Sal said absently, clearly scrolling for clothes. “Besides, I owe you. You gave me a nephatee.”
“Me and Byron,” Beth said with a smile.
“Fuck that guy. What’s he done lately? Anyway, I’m mega excited for you guys to move back home and all that.”
“So are we. It’ll be great to be closer to you.” A thought occurred to her. “Could you maybe find stores where I can look for dark bimbo clothes? I’m scared to browse where I’m not wanted.”
“Fuck where you’re not wanted. You’ve got money. That’s wanted everywhere.”
Beth’s smile grew wider. That was the thing about having never fit between conventional lines. Sal was braver than she’d ever been, and their bravery was infectious. Beth bet Sal would be fifty and still walking into General Pants like they owned the place. And if nothing fit or it all looked bad, they’d blame the brand and walk out with their head held high.
“Thanks so much,” she said. “For everything.”
“Anytime,” Sal replied distractedly. “I’ll send you some shit ASAP. And if you’re trying for goody-goody academia, you might want a little backpack and a headband, too. Don’t worry, I’ll include it all in my Google Doc!”
Sal hung up, and knowing she needed to give them some time, Beth went to the food court and got a pretzel.
Twenty minutes later, Sal had delivered in spades. Beth bounced from recommended store to recommended store, picking up a tortoiseshell headband, leather ankle boots, a pleated navy skirt, and a pale pink t-shirt. May was warm in Perth, even in Autumn, but she could always crank up the air conditioning… She picked out a floral lingerie set and tried on the whole outfit in the change room.
To her amazement, everything came together beautifully. She didn’t know if she was pulling off ‘Dark Academica,’ but shedidlook cute.
When she got home, she decided she’d blow out her hair in the Victoria’s Secret model style she hadn’t attempted for months. Thanks to time and regular hair appointments, the bald places had mostly grown out. Mara had suggested extensions if she got pregnant again, and while Beth couldn’t imagine having another baby right now, it was nice to know she had options besides Temu wigs.
She paid for the lingerie and called home to check on Simon.
“He’s great, just staring up at his space mobile,” Wendy said happily. “I’ll send you a photo.”
“Thanks!” Beth was about to ring off when she remembered Wendy and her partner Vivian ran an after-hours babysitting service. It was expensive, but if she wanted to do her hair and make-up and be waiting at the door for Byron…
“I know it’s last-minute,” she said in a rush. “But could you and Viv maybe take Si for a few hours tonight? Until at least eleven?”
