Unfortunately for both of them, exploring said fantasy wasn’t on the cards. The early morning call had heralded one of the biggest scandals of Byron’s burgeoning career. One of his younger players had been caught fucking one of the senior player’s wives at a party. The older guy caught them going at it and threw the younger through a window. He ran away, only to return with three teammates to start an all-out brawl.
To Beth, the solution was obvious: sack everyone. But she wasn’t a coach, and apparently, the kicking skills of everyone involved meant a mutual shit-canning wasn’t on the cards. It also meant Byron had had his phone glued to his ear ever since, trying to arrange trades and smooth things over while also transitioning to his new role at the Sharks, packing and co-parenting Simon.
They were now less than two days from moving, and Beth desperately wanted to do something for them before they left to mark their time in Perth. But sitting on the bench near General Pants, she wondered if it was just the wrong time.
So when will be the right time?A little voice in her head asked.
The older Beth got, the clearer it became that some ‘truisms’ were blatantly false—that thing about everyone eventuallybecoming a conservative was ridiculous. But other truisms had gotten so sharp they pierced. Take that John Lennon quote about how‘life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans’.Beth couldn’t relate to that more. One minute you were a professional housesitter; the next, you were changing your kid’s nappies, and then you were middle-aged and hadn’t done anal in ten years…
“Fuck that.” Beth got to her feet. She needed to figure out what a hot nanny would wear, and since she was incapable of doing so, she needed to outsource. Her first thought was Mara, but as she pulled out her phone, it occurred to her that she knew someone even more fitting for the role. Someone who arranged horny costumes for a living and didn’t know the meaning of the word ‘inappropriate.’
She dialled her sister-in-law’s number, and Sal answered on the first ring. “G’day, moite. How’s the packing? How’s my nephatee?”
“Hi,” Beth said. “Sal, you’re young and cool?—”
“Not really.”
“Sorry?”
“Gen Alpha,” Sal clarified. “Gen Alpha have come online, mate, and they arebullying us.”
“Uh, sure. Well, when Simon gets old enough for Instagram, I’ll tell him to go easy on you.”
“I just can’t believe it! One minute, you’re on top of the world. The next thing, some kid with an AI toilet in its profile picture is callingmea cringe boomer...”
Beth suppressed a laugh. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how it goes...”
“No one told me!”
“I told you. I said this exact thing would happen because it happens toeveryone.”
“Yeah, but like…
“I’m old?”
“Kind of? Only in linear time.”
“Cheers,” Beth said wryly. “Well, circling back to my point, I need to talk to you about something kind of…”
“Horny?” Sal perked up at once. “Sexually motivated?”
“Yes.”
“Nice! Wait… you fuck my brother.Booooo!”
“Sorry.”
“Ah, someone has to fuck my brother, I guess. What’s the deal? Is your box all munt post-Simon?”
“No,” Beth protested. “Well, it was… but not anymore.”
“Excellent! So, you haven’t fucked since Simon was born, and you want my advice on getting back in the game?”
Beth put a hand to her forehead. She loved Sal, but she always forgot her sister-in-law had apparently inherited all the words Byron would never say and was determined to machine-gun them out as fast as possible. “Your brother and I are having sex, Sal. We had sex three days ago.”
“Boooooo!So, what’s the problem?”
“I… I want to do something special for him before we move. I want to dress up.”
